“He doesn’t have to stay in the service forever. In fact, he should be coming up for re-enlistment at the end of June.”
“This June?” I asked.
She nodded.
Now that was interesting information. I filed it away for later as Landon rejoined us and gave his mom a kiss on the cheek before following me out into the cold, rainy evening. As we made the short walk to my apartment, my thoughts shifted to my brother, as they’d been doing off and on all week. I hadn’t heard from him since the text he’d sent me after Christmas dinner, and although his radio silence wasn’t unusual, it was bothering me more than normal. The last time I’d been this worried about Ben, his mom had started using again, and they were in a bad place. That was right before I’d convinced Dad to file for custody of him.
Ben had needed me then, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that he needed me now.
Landon and I settled on the sofa and turned on the television, as had become our nightly after-dinner routine. Deviating from the normal, he leaned back, and said, “Let me see your feet.”
Wondering what he was up to, I swung my feet up and settled them in his lap. He grabbed the one nearest him and started massaging it with his magical healing hands. I had to hand it to him, the man knew how to give massages.
“Tell me about him,” Landon said.
“Who?” I asked.
He gestured at the phone in my hand, and I realized I’d been checking my messages. Again. “Your brother. Unless there’s some other guy who’s making you scrunch up your forehead like that.”
For only knowing me such a short time, Landon sure had my number. Giving in, I took a deep breath and shared. “He was just a baby when Mom and I moved to Seattle. She had some job opportunity at a bar up here and I was ecstatic over the idea of finally having a sibling. Sure, I had the others in California, but I didn’t know any of them. Besides, they were all older and I wanted to be the big sister. I couldn’t wait to meet Ben.”
I smiled in spite of myself, thinking back to the adorable little baby wrapped up like a burrito. “I was five, and he was the coolest thing I’d ever seen. Dad and Alyssa, Ben’s mom, used to let me come over all the time because he had colic and cried a lot. I’d play with him and keep him busy. I could usually get him to stop crying when they couldn’t. In looking back, I realize Alyssa probably suffered from postpartum. She cried almost as much as Ben did.”
“Taking care of a baby seems like a lot of responsibility for a five-year-old.” Landon dug his knuckle into the ball of my foot and I let out a moan of pleasure. “I wouldn’t trust most of the five-year-olds at the preschool with a puppy.”
He had a point. Some of those kids were rough.
“Dad was with Alyssa for a while… longer than any of his other wives, and I spent a lot of time at their house. My mom was jealous at first, but once she realized it was the baby I wanted to be around, and not Alyssa, she got over it. I was a big nerd and didn’t have many friends at school, but Ben looked at me like I was his whole world. As he got older, he loved it when I’d read to him. He’d bring a book and sit in my lap, begging me for a story. Whenever Alyssa would try to read to him, he’d tell her no, because it was my job.”
“Is she still around?” Landon switched feet, starting in on the second one.
I shrugged. “Who knows? Dad’s always had a thing for needy women, and Alyssa had that damsel in distress gig on lockdown. He put her through rehab twice, but finally moved on to wife number seven when Ben was twelve. I was seventeen at the time, and my mom had just split for the east coast. Ben spent a lot of time with me, but lived mostly with his mom. Dad took him in for a while, but wife number seven wasn’t up to raising another woman’s child, so Dad kicked Ben to the curb to appease her.”
“Your dad sounds like an asshole.”
“You have no idea. He’d have to save a little old lady from drowning or rescue a puppy from a dog fight to be elevated to asshole level. Anyway, Ben lived on my sofa until he finished high school. Then he started hanging out with a couple of shady friends and kind of drifted away. I confronted him about it, but it didn’t go over so well. We had a huge blow up and he packed his stuff and left. I’ve been trying to mend things between us since, but I know he’s keeping stuff from me. And nagging him to tell me what’s going on will only push him further away again.”
“You are amazing,” Landon said, watching me.
Surprisedthatwas his takeaway from my story about how I’d screwed up and alienated my brother, I asked, “Why would you say that?”
“Because you basically raised your little brother. You called him on his crappy life choices and he threw a hissy fit and left, but you still love and worry about him. I stayed away for so long because I worried about how my mom would receive me, but she’s like you. If Ben walked in the door right now, you wouldn’t give him shit or rip him a new one for what he’s done to you—even though he deserves it—but you’d be legitimately happy to see him. To me, that’s amazing.”
“He’s my baby brother.”
“He’s also a man now, Mercy. Sometimes us men get these crazy ideas in our heads about protecting the ones we love by distancing ourselves from them. Sometimes we fuck up so badly we feel like we can’t come home. I know you won’t give up on him, and one day Ben will figure that out, too. Then he’ll find his way back here and you guys will be close again.”
I smiled. “Sounds like you’re speaking from experience there, soldier.”
He squeezed my feet. “Yeah, well, I was a dumbass for a long time, but I gotta say that coming home was the smartest thing I’ve ever done.”
“Oh really? Why’s that?”
“You know damn well why that is. Are you fishing for compliments?”
I shrugged. “Maybe.”
His fingertips ran softly over the balls of my feet, tickling them.
Screeching, I drew my knees in to my chest.
Landon laughed and tackled me, trying to see where else I was ticklish.
We brought in the New Year in a tickle fight on my sofa.
