“That’s what you think. Maybe Halliewantsto give you that reassurance.”
“That’s not a relationship. That’s us claiming to be in one and me having a breakdown every day because some tiny thing was off and we’re so far apart that tiny things feel like massive ones that break us.”
Zora groaned like she didn’t agree but accepted it was how Audrey was seeing things. “Okay, well, are you at least enjoying each other while you’re in the same place? Does she want to move to LA?”
Audrey laughed. “I don’t think so. And, as for your first question… I don’t know.”
“What does that mean?” Zora asked, perking up.
“It means we’ve talked about kissing, that we talked about sex, and, so far, we haven’t done either.”
“Why not?” She sounded outraged that kissing and sex were on the table but the two of them were resisting. Which, to be fair, she probably was. Zora was very into enjoying pleasure, jumping into the moment and basking in it. Audrey had always admired that about her.
“Ah, because we’re both very aware that I’m leaving in a few days and it’s going to hurt either way, so, how do you make a choice knowing that?”
“Uh, you make the choice to do it. If you’re going to be hurting either way, why not? You don’t want to go to your grave regretting the things youdidn’tdo.”
She was right.
Audrey considered the things she’d take to the grave more than the average person. It was always the things she’d never done that haunted her the most. And shereallywanted to kiss Hallie. “Have you ever kissed someone and felt like it was going to change everything?”
“Everyone I kiss feels like that, babe. That’s part of the amazing, the wondrous, the reason it’s worth doing. I know you don’t kiss people, but every single one of them is going to leave their mark on you, and that’s fucking spectacular.”
Audrey smiled and moved to lean on the snow-covered railing. “I love the way you think about people, about human connection.”
Zora laughed proudly. “I know you do, and, now, you can take a leaf out of my book and kiss the fucking woman. She wants you so bad it hurtsme,and I’ve never even met her.”
“I want her so bad it hurts too.”
“I’m aware. God knows you’ve kept people at arm’s length long enough. It’s about time you let someone in and got something good.”
“I don’t know how you do it.”
“What?”
“Meet people, let them in…”
“It’s one of those things that gets easier with practice, when you get to show your brain that letting people close doesn’t always hurt.”
Audrey felt like her ribs were cracking in half. Intellectually, she knew people let others in. She knew she’d let Zora in and it had only ever gone well. But she had, from the feeling of necessity, kept the rest of the world at a distance. She knew people but she didn’t let them close, afraid of what they’d do if they had power over her. But, Hallie had seen her falling apart, she had so much power over Audrey, and all she’d wielded it for was to care. That wasn’t terrible.
The door behind her cracked open and she sucked in a deep breath, tamping down the raging emotions as she turned to look at Hallie. She was bundled up, and looked adorable, but Audrey’s focus was on her mesmerizing smile and eyes.
“Zora?” Hallie whispered, nodding at Audrey’s phone.
Audrey nodded as she said, “Zora, Hallie’s here. Want me to put you on speaker?” They’d already chatted. What would be the point in trying to keep them apart? Especially when the last thing Audrey wanted was to do that.
“Absolutely,” Zora replied quickly and emphatically. “Let’s see if your girlfriend is more receptive to sense than you are.”
Audrey shook her head as she put the phone on speaker. She wasn’t worried about whatever Zora was going to say. It wouldn’t be worse or more obvious than the conversations she and Hallie had already had about wanting each other.
“Hallie, it’s beenhourssince we first spoke and I’m hearing you and my troublesome best friend over here still haven’t kissed,” she said, starting off strong. “What’s going on there?”
Hallie’s cheeks looked a little too pink as she laughed and shot Audrey a look. “The complications of living in different states, I think.”
“So she lives in another state. That doesn’t stop you wanting to fuck her, right? I once went on a few dates with a woman in New York, literally the other side of the country, and we made it work.”
Audrey was grateful that Hallie didn’t seem thrown by Zora’s directness. She could see the two of them getting along.
