She wished she had all the time for it too.
Instead, she stared up into Audrey’s eyes, trying desperately to convey everything she was feeling, and she wished for the only thing she reasonably could: that they would get that one kiss.
Chapter Twenty-One
“So, they’re taking it well, then?” Zora asked from thousands of miles away when Audrey took her call on the balcony off Hallie’s bedroom.
Audrey sighed, her whole body sagging with the weight of it. “I know it was a lie, but what if it hadn’t been? The lack of compassion for Hallie’s mother and her fake broken leg is just… overwhelming.”
“Yeah, babe, just like their constant lack of compassion for you is.”
“Oh, I don’t know—”
“Do not even try to brush that off. They treat you like shit and the rest of us can see it.”
Something ached in Audrey’s chest. She didn’t want to annoy her friends, but it never felt the same. What her family did to her—how they treated her—that was familiar, known, usual. It didn’t feel the same as their lack of compassion for a potentially injured woman. But that was Hallie’s whole point,wasn’t it? Zora’s whole point. Her therapist’s whole point. She’d been trained so well on letting them treat her that way because it was just how her family was. Because, sometimes, things were good, they did nice things for her, they looked after her and kept her alive.
Being kept alive was such a low fucking bar. How the hell was she supposed to switch off the part of her brain that thought that was reasonable?
Probably by starting with not immediately pushing back on people calling them out.
Zora let out a heavy breath. “I know it’s hard. I know it’s shit. And I know I’m never going to get exactly what it’s like for you, but, babe, you deserve so much better than that crap.”
“You think?”
“Yes.With my whole heart.”
The voice that sprang up automatically sounded like her own, but a tiny part of Audrey wondered whether it wasn’t, whether it was the voices of her family insisting they were in the right, they were good, it was all her fault. And she’d just been programmed to think it was her own voice.
She nodded slowly, looking at the heavy blanket of snow falling only feet away from her. Beautiful, clean, fresh, undamaged.
Zora cleared her throat. “Hallie thinks so too.”
Even through the flood of emotions, Audrey couldn’t help smiling. “Yes, I heard you two had an early-morning chat.”
“We did,” Zora agreed without concern. “I like her. She’s good for you.”
“You got that from one call?”
“Oh, you know, one call and you telling me about her.” She laughed. “And it’s not like she’s hard to read. She likes you. You like her.”
Audrey hummed. There was no denying that. Hallie had been very open with the fact and it made Audrey want to be open too, to be brave. “It’s not really a problem of mismatched attraction.”
“There’s a problem?”
“Oh, about two thousand three hundred of them…”
“What?”
“The distance, Zora.”
She snorted. “Not you too. Who cares about a bit of distance? Have you forgotten we live in modern times, Professor? There’s this magical thing called technology that helps you stay in touch with people far away.”
Audrey rolled her eyes. She couldn’t have this conversation with Hallie present, but she hoped Hallie would join her on the balcony soon. Balconies had kind of become their thing and she wanted more of it before they ran out of time. “I’m aware it exists. I’m also aware I’m not really cut out for that.”
“Why not?”
“Oh, you know, life, work, the fact that I’d need far too much constant reassurance that it would just ruin things.”
