He gives me a pointed look. “I know there’s something going on with you. You didn’t even notice when your mum sent me home with a ton of leftovers the other day. Normally you give her shit for spoiling me instead of you, but this year, nothing. Not a fucking peep. So what’s wrong?”
Christmas music plays in the background, the pub we’re in is decorated to the nines but it’s not the same as the Charnwell Inn, and I have the strongest urge to be back there. Back with Jerry. And that’s all it takes for the words to spill out. “Jerry asked me to move in with him.”
“But...” Paul frowns, confused. “You already live with him.”
“Not as his lodger,” I clarify. “As his boyfriend. Partner. Whatever you want to call it.” I wave a hand because that’s not the important part here.
“And?”
“I can’t do that.”
“Why not? I know you like him. More than like him judging by the way you look all soft whenever someone mentions his name.”
“I do not.”
Paul laughs. “Sorry to tell you, mate, but you so fucking do.”
He’s right, so I give up trying to deny it. “Yeah, I like him.”More than like him, like Paul said. “It’s too soon, though.”
“Is it?”
I give him my best incredulous glare. “I’ve only been there since late November. That’s... six weeks at most. I hardly know him.”
“That’s not true, though, is it?” He sobers, sitting forward and reaching for my hand. “Reed, it’s not been just the last six weeks.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve essentially being seeing Jerry for months. Ever since you started texting.”
“But—”
“Think about it. Before you moved in with him, how often did you text him?”
I fidget in my seat, uncomfortably aware he has a point. “Nearly every day,” I mumble.
“And how often do you text me since you moved away?” He raises an eyebrow.
“Once a week.”
He laughs. “If I’m lucky.” I wince, but he quickly shakes his head. “I’m not saying that to make you feel bad. I’m just as shit at it as you are. My point is that even before you moved in with Jerry, you were in a relationship. Maybe you didn’t see him every day, and maybe you hadn’t crossed that line between friends, andmore... But you can’t sit there, look me in the eye and tell me you don’tknowhim.”
“Fuck.” I scrub a hand through my hair. He’s right, so fucking right, and I think a part of me has known that all along. “Then what am I so afraid of?”
Paul sighs. He’s still got hold of my hand, and he gives it a squeeze. “You know what. It’s scary to think about trusting someone again after what happened with Karl, of course it is. But Jerry isn’t Karl.” His voice softens. “Only you know whether you’re ready to take that chance with someone again, and there’s nothing to say you can’t move into your own house and still keep seeing Jerry. Unless he said otherwise?”
“No, of course he didn’t.”
Paul shrugs. “Well... I guess it’s something you need to think about then.”
“Yeah, I guess it is.” Like I’ve been thinking about anything else these past few days. But Paul’s given me another perspective. Because he’s right, I haven’t just known Jerry for the few weeks I’ve been living with him.
But do I know him well enough to trust him with my heart?
JERRY
NEW YEAR’S EVE
“Where’s Reed?”Sean asks as he sets down our drinks.
