Fuck me, what am I supposed to say to that? I kiss him again because the words that would fit in this moment still won’t come, and nothing else seems right, so I let my mouth talk for me and kiss him with everything I’m feeling inside.
We name the little grey kitten Fae. I tell Jerry it’s because she’s small and delicate like a fairy, but really it’s because thisday has been so fucking magical it seems only fitting. After some curious sniffing and the odd hiss, Fae is accepted into the gang of two cats and a dog and when we go to bed that night, she curls up with Frank in the overpriced fluffy bed I bought him. It’s the cutest thing I’ve seen, and I may have had a little tear or two at the sight of them.
And at the realisation that it’s going to hurt all around when I eventually move out.
“Drive carefully.”Jerry hands me my backpack and the bag of presents I’m taking to my parent’s house.
Boxing Day morning is thankfully crisp and clear but with no snow. It’s still taken me longer than normal to actually get ready to leave.
That would be the lazy morning sex you had with Jerry.
I slept in his bed again last night.
Waking up wrapped in his arms is my new favourite thing, but neither of us have mentioned this new development. I know we need to talk about it, but there hasn’t been the right moment. Instead, I say, “You sure you’re all right keeping Frank and Fae while I’m gone?”
Jerry rolls his eyes. “Yes. For the hundredth time.”
“Okay.” I open the door, the cold hitting me and making me shiver. “I’ll see you in a few days, then.”
“Yeah.” He grips my coat and pulls me into a kiss that quickly deepens until he’s got me pressed against the wall. There’s no wonder I’m finding it hard to leave the house. But he steps back before I can think of an excuse to stay. “Safe trip.”
“Thanks.” I finally force myself to step outside and walk to my car. I can feel Jerry watching me as I put my bags on the backseat. And it’s harder than it should be to open the driver’s door and get in.
I’m just about to start the engine when Jerry shouts from the doorway.
“Reed,wait.” He runs out of the house inslippers.
I lower my window, frowning as he comes to a stop next to my car. “What’s wrong?”
He reaches in and strokes a hand along my jaw. “I know this is the worst time for this conversation, but I can’t watch you drive off for the next five days without telling you how I feel.”
Oh god, we’re doing this now? My mouth moves without my permission. “And how’s that?”
Jerry takes a moment, eyes searching mine. “I don’t want you to move out. But I don’t want you to be my lodger anymore either.” He puts a finger over my lips as I open my mouth to say who the fuck knows what. “Let me finish, please.”
I nod.
“I want my house to beourhouse. I know you love it here, in Charnwell, and the last few weeks have been the best weeks of my life. I know you’ve got your heart set on finding a new house somewhere else, and of course I’ll support you one hundred percent if that’s what you want. But I wanted to put another option on the table.”
“Staying with you?”
“Yes. You can buy half my house if that’d make you feel better about staying.” His eyes get comically wide and I’m pretty sure mine do the same. “Not that you have to,” he adds quickly. “And maybe that’s too big a step at this stage but if we do this…” His expression softens. “I just want it to feel like your home, too. But we can discuss all that later.”
“I—”
“Don’t decide now. I know this is a lot. Take the next few days to think about it.” He leans in to kiss me. It’s over far too quicklyfor my liking. “But also know that I’ll still feel the same about you no matter what you decide.” He kisses me again, then turns and jogs back to his house.
As he closes the door and I start the engine, I realise I never asked him one very important question.
How does he feel aboutme?
I think I know, and I’m not sure howIfeel about that.
I thinkabout it on and off for the next few days. Through Boxing Day dinner with my parents and the days spent visiting friends and relatives. It’s not until I meet up with Paul for a drink, just the two of us, that someone finally notices my mind is elsewhere.
“Okay, it’s just me and you now, so spill.” Paul sits back in his chair, arms crossed, pint untouched on the table in front of him.
“What do you mean?”
