The longer it lasts though, the better I feel. I didn’t realise how much I’ve been craving human contact until I actually got it. This is different from when I hug Sean. It shouldn’t be becausefriends, remember, but it definitely is. I wonder if that’s because with Sean there’s absolutely no chance of anything more happening, but with Jerry? Like I said, if things were different...
Eventually I step back, because as much as I’d like to, I can’t stay wrapped up in Jerry for the rest of the night. When I meet his gaze, something flashes in his eyes, too quick for me to catch though.
That’s what I tell myself anyway, because I don’t want to think about the alternative. “So, darts?” I make gimme hands and he laughs, breaking whatever tension threatened to come between us. “Or was that just a ruse to get me in here?”
“Oh, it was definitely a ruse, but we’re gonna play.” He hands me a set of darts with Christmas trees on the flights.
“Festive,” I mutter, leaning over to see what he’s got. Mistletoe. I wonder what would happen if he held them above his head? Nope, not going down that path. I can’t help but glance up, though, and sure enough there are bunches of mistletoe tacked to the ceiling.
It’s Christmas. I bet it’s everywhere in the pub, I just haven’t noticed it because kissing is the last thing on my mind.
Or it was.
“Ready?”
“What?” I look back at him, startled, and for one split second I think he’s going to kiss me. I start to lean in, my heart pounding like it’s trying to escape, but then he smiles and waves his darts in my face, and reality floods back in.
Darts, Reed.
I nod, words stuck in my throat because I almost made a colossal fool of myself. And even though it was all in my head, and I have no business wanting to kiss anyone with the way I’m feeling right now, I can’t ignore the stab of disappointment when he turns around and raises his arm ready to start the game.
For fuck’s sake. You just this second told him you weren’t interested.
Honestly, it’s a wonder I’ve not got mental whiplash from all the back and forth my mind is doing.
I take a gulp of my water, desperately wishing it was beer, and force those feelings back where they belong.
“Ten!”
The pub erupts with noise as the countdown begins. We’ve joined everyone else in the main bar again and swapped our waters for beer. I’m feeling a lot more sober than I did earlier, but I still have a nice buzz going on.
“Nine!”
Jerry nudges me and nods over to where Hailey props up the end of the bar, her wife Charlotte beside her.
“Eight!”
“I thought you were on baby duty?” Jerry calls, and Charlotte grins.
“My sister took over for an hour so we could see in the new year together.”
“Seven!”
I’m pretty sure Hailey had something else in mind for their New Year celebrations, but from the dopey look on her face, she seems happy enough.
“Six!”
I glance around the pub, and it soon becomes obvious that a lot of people seem to be in couples now, waiting for their midnight kiss.
“Five!”
Like I’ve done all night, I stand next to Jerry, so close that we touch from thigh to shoulder. I’m shamelessly leaning into him, and as the pub shouts “Four!” He wraps an arm around me and tugs me to his side.
“Three!”
I’m warm and happy, and despite being in the pub for the last five hours, Jerry still smells amazing.
“Two!”
