One step at a time.
I’ve almost convinced myself by the time Joe thunders down the stairs like a herd of elephants. I shake my head as he bursts into the kitchen. “Ready?”
He grins. “Yeah.” He pats the bag slung over his shoulder. “I’ve brought my PS4, thought we could play some FIFA or Minecraft?”
I am shit at both those games and Joe knows it, but I grin back at him, his enthusiasm catching. “As long as you go easy on me.”
He laughs as I usher him outside. “In your dreams.”
“Wow.”Joe sets his bag down and looks around the living area in the lodge. It’s dark outside and I’ve just turned on all the lights that Liz put up. The effect is lovely. The room is warm and inviting, full of festive cheer that has Joe beaming.
“It’s nice, right?” I take his bag from him and put it in the second bedroom.
Joe follows me. “Yeah. Totally not what I was expecting when you said you were staying at a holiday park.”
I gesture to the hotel-like accommodation. “Same.”
I’ve bought pizza, Doritos, and dips for our boy’s night. And after eating our fill, I let Joe beat me at football again and again until he takes pity on me and turns it off. It’s getting late, but I’m not ready to go to bed yet, and I don’t think he is either. I’m aware how precious this time together is. Joe’s seventeen, soon to be eighteen and he’s hoping to go to uni when he finishes sixth form. We won’t be doing this sort of thing for much longer.
And something that me and Hailey talked about earlier in the week nags at me. I’m not about to ask Joe outright if he’s gay, bi, or anything else, but I want to make sure he knows he can talk to me about anything if he wants to. Ihopehe already knows it, but the need to be certain is something I can’t ignore.
I flick through to Netflix on the TV and choose something at random for a bit of background noise. I know it’s a series that Joe’s watched before, and I wait until he relaxes back into the sofa. “You can tell me anything, you know.”
He looks over at me with a frown. “Yeah, I know.”
“Anything at all,” I add. “And I’ll always listen.”
His hand pauses between the bag of Doritos and his mouth. He stares at the tortilla chip for a few seconds before letting out the world’s heaviest sigh. “Is this because I said your man was hot?”
My man.
I ignore the flutter that causes and focus on the rest of that sentence. “No.” At his raised eyebrows, I smile and add quickly, “Well maybe a little. I just want you to know that I’m always here for you if you want to talk. About anything.”
“Okay.” He scoops up some dip with his Dorito and pops it in his mouth. I think that’s the end of the conversation and settle back into the cushions, feeling better about putting that out there.
I reach over for the bag of tortilla chips just as Joe says, “I think I’m like you.” He hands me the bag and the dip. “You know... bi.” Then he yawns and stretches as if what he’s said is no big deal.
And he’s right.
It shouldn’t be a big deal and I’m not about to make it into one. I am, however, absolutely fuckingthrilledthat he feels safe enough to confide in me. “Okay.” I catch his small smile out the corner of my eye and can’t help one of my own.
We watch another couple of episodes, talking and laughing at our favourite parts before we’re both in danger of falling asleep.
Joe stops at his bedroom door, turning to face me. “You can tell Mum if you want. I know you don’t like secrets.”
As much as I don’t want to keep something like this from Hailey, it’s not my decision to share it. “If you’d rather I didn’t, then I won’t. It’s totally okay, Joe.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “It’s not that. I’d tell her myself, but she’ll get all emotional and hug me.” He grimaces like it’s the absolute worst thing he can imagine.
So naturally I wrap my arms around him and hug him tight, ruffling his hair for good measure. “You mean like this?”
“Dad.” He’s laughing though, so I hug him for a bit longer before letting him go.
“I’ll tell your mum, but you know she’s still going to want to hug you.”
He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I know.”
I ruffle his hair again, and I’m about to say goodnight when he surprises me again.
