So why not just shack up already?
I don’t say that, obviously.
And I have to quickly shut down the images that threaten to invade my mind with that thought.
“It’s not as simple as picking up where we left off,” I say instead. “Even if we both wanted to.”
He looks up at me, frowning. “Why not?”
“Because...” It’s a simple question and there should be an equally simple answer, but I’m struggling to come up with one. “We’re not the same people we were back then.”
“So?” He turns to face me. “You must still like each other if you’re seeing him tomorrow.”
“As friends,” I say. Maybe putting a little too much emphasis on the word friends.
He smirks, eyes twinkling. “You always tell me the best relationships start out with being friends first.”
Fuck.
I did say that, but I was trying to make him see that there was merit in getting to know someone first before fucking them. Not that I said those exact words or that I want him to be doing any of that now. But I’m not naive. If he’s not already testing the waters, then it won’t be long. Either way, I never expected it to come back and bite me in the arse.
“I don’t think Sean is interested in being more than friends.”
“Hmm.” He fiddles with the cuff on his sleeve. “Did you ask him?”
“Not exactly.”
“Well then, how do you know?” He pins me with a glare and raises an eyebrow. I didn’t even know he could make that expression. “Doyoulikehimlike that?”
I’m speechless.
Who is this person and where has my phone-obsessed teen disappeared to? Never in a million years did I expect to be having this conversation with Joe. Or for him to sound like the more mature one.
“I don’t know,” I finally say. “And my relationship with Sean isn’t something you need to be worrying about.”
“Aunt Sam says you’re scared about letting someone get close again.”
I fucking knew it.
I’m going to kill my sister when I get hold of her.
“Look.” I stand and tug Joe up with me. “Let’s go get some lunch and forget all about whatSamthinks. I want you to concentrate on enjoying the holidays and not worrying about anything else. Deal?”
He looks at me for a second before nodding and offering me a small smile. “Deal.”
I manageto shove that conversation to the back of my mind for the rest of the day, but when Sean walks into the pub at twenty past four, it all comes rushing back when his gaze catches mine and he smiles.
It hits me like a punch to the gut. The way his eyes light up, crinkling at the edges, and it’s so warm and welcoming, like for that split second I’m the best thing he’s ever seen. Then someone calls his name, capturing his attention, and I feel the loss like a physical thing.
I don’t want to be friends.
Well, notjustfriends.
The realisation is both startling and...not. I fancied Sean Richmond from the second I laid eyes on him. I’ve been lying to myself if I think that’s changed. I watch as he laughs and chats with people who are obviously his friends.
I’m reminded of the lovely woman who gave me a discount on the Christmas tree. Sean’s also lived here his whole life. I bet he knows everyone too. It’s a foreign concept for me. Edwinstowe, the village where I now live, isn’t a huge place by any means, but I couldn’t go into my local pub and greet half of the patrons by name. I live on the outskirts. I know my neighbours quite well, but that’s about it. And if I’m honest, that’s how I like it.
Sean greets everyone like they’re family. It seems like they all want a piece of him, not that I blame them. I’m standing here hoping for that exact same thing. I should probably move instead of waiting here like an idiot, but my feet don’t want to budge.
