“About me.”
“Oh yes, the whole ‘I could have fixed you’ speech.”
“That's enough, you two,” Marco tried to reason again.
“Sit down,” we yelled in unison.
“You were enough for me, Sam,” I said quietly.
“And now?”
“Now, we are roommates. Nothing more, nothing less.”
“That’s a lie, and you know it.”
I saw red, and my brain misfired from the stress of everything. I pushed him backward and gasped, guilt flooding my system before I even fully realized what I’d done. The hurt was written all over his face. I didn't mean to do it. I wasn't thinking.
I’m just like Jack.
“I’m so–”
He grabbed the front of my top, backing me slowly into the wall, and the sound of a chair scraping against the floor hit my ears.
Sam’s hand moved up slowly to cup my cheek, thumb brushing over my bottom lip, and I gave a shuddering breath, waiting for his next move.
“I broke you long before he did,” he choked out, leaning down to rest his forehead on mine. “You’re already ruining me. Please, don’t keep holding the mirror up when I am still accepting that I have to live with that for the rest of my life.”
His phone pinged, and I used his moment of distraction to ripmyself from his grip, a sob pushing its way through as I ran up the stairs.
The front door slammed so hard I felt the vibration travel from the floor to my feet. Hot tears poured down my cheeks as I barreled through the doorway, standing in the middle of the room, and not really knowing what to do. I wasn’t a cryer, almost never, but those last words he spoke to me rang true.
When Sam left, it broke me, even more so when my brother followed. We had been an inseparable trio growing up, and then I was alone, wondering if they would come home. One day, Marco came home, safe from his first deployment. Sam, on the other hand, hadn’t followed, and my head went to the worst. I was given the reassurance that he was very much alive, but he’d stayed behind. Volunteering for some mission that should’ve had him home in a couple of months. I waited for him to come home, and he never did. At least, not the hometown we all grew up in.
Jack was able to sink his claws into me because of my choices, and my not listening to my intuition when red flags showed brightly. The moment I told him that Sam wasn’t coming home was my greatest regret.
Sam couldn’t be my verbal punching bag, and I refused to treat him as such. I wanted him in my life. All I wanted was an explanation.
Three soft taps rapped on the open door, and I turned to face the culprit. My brother stepped over the threshold and walked straight to the bed. He patted the spot next to him. I sighed, joining him.
“I was harsh,” I admitted. “You don’t have to say it.”
“Listen. He harbors a lot of guilt for several things that were both in and out of his control, but he’s trying to be better.”
“How do I start over with him? This? It’s too late for us. He waited too long.”
“It’s a two-way road, Sister.”
Marco cleared his throat and pulled a stack of letters from behind his back, handing them to me. I flipped them around inmy hands, inspecting them. They were all marked return-to-sender, from Sam…to me. I looked to my brother, who had an equally sullen expression.
“I never got these, any of them.”
“Yeah, but I bet Jack made sure you had mine, right?”
Now, I was even more confused. “I didn’t get any letters. From either of you.”
I shook my head furiously, trying to make sense of everything in my head. Jack withheld my letters from them? Sam, I could understand, but my brother? It felt like someone was repeatedly punching me in the chest, not allowing me to get a full breath in. The world spun, and heat spread across my skin.
“I think you need to clear your head. Why don’t you head up to the lodge for the weekend and enjoy some alone time? I’ll take you in the morning.”
