A familiar emotion crept along my veins. The same feeling I’d had for the last half of my life. Inadequacy.
Sam pulled out the chair, gesturing for me to sit, but I stayedglued to my spot. I tasted copper on my bottom lip from how hard I’d bit down, and decided to go for it.
“Why?” His fingers thrummed over the top of the chair, staying silent. “What happened that night in your dorm? Tell me what I did, Sam.”
My voice cracked on his name. His answer wouldn’t have been what I was looking for. Honestly, I would be fine with “the sex sucked” as long as he gave me something.
“I’m so sorry. I had to. I was nowhere near the man you needed,” he finally admitted, squeezing the chair so hard I thought it would break underneath his fingers.
“You were one year away from graduating. This wasn’t just a few years. You disappeared for fourteen!”
His eyes turned glassy, tears threatening to fall as he took a step toward me. “I never meant to be gone that long. You have to believe me.”
“I don’t.”
“Then I am not sure why we are having this conversation,” he said, narrowing his eyes in suspicion. “If everything I say is a lie to you, why bother?”
“You took my virginity and left, Sam!” I hissed. “You don’t just forget about something like that. It fucking hurts.”
“No, you just shack up with a piece of shit asshole so you don’t have to feel anything at all, right?”
I was only half expecting the outburst and was taken aback by his sharp tone. How did he know anything about Jack? I stepped back, but it was too late now. His chest heaved as he straightened to his full height, towering over me.
“Don’t look at him, look at me.”
“Alright, you two. That’s enough. Why don’t y–” Marco cut in.
“Shut up,” I countered shakily. Sam refused to look at me now, his eyes glued to the floor and running his palm around the back of his neck.
“Ah.” My fingers rubbed against my chin in fake andrebellious thought. “The pesky validation, right? You always battled with it. You wanted everyone to like you.” I laughed menacingly. “What better way than to get bragging rights by fucking your best friend’s perfect little sister?”
Each word rolled off my tongue with venom. They needed to hurt. I wanted him to feel it as much as I’d been hurt and sit with it. Somehow, he seemed unfazed, and it started to seem like I was hurting myself more.
“What did you just say?” He said darkly, his voice dropping a level.
“Oh…I’m sorry. Would you prefer to be tied down and bent over while I whisper it in your ear?”
He took long strides until we were mere inches from each other. His thick hand grabbed my face harshly, pulling me the rest of the way. I could feel his breath on my face as he spoke, and goosebumps rose along my arms.
“So, after the whole two minutes it's been since we have seen each other again, you know my motivation? Hmm?”
I grabbed his arm, silently asking him to let go. He wasn’t hurting me, only enough to force me to face him. “Answer me, Snowflake.”
He got me with that one. The nickname he used to call me when we were kids. A name I no longer knew.
“Let me go, please,” was all I could whimper out as genuine fear spread throughout my body. He didn’t listen and brought his lips close to mine. “You have no right to call me that anymore.”
Emotions flickered across his face at a rate I couldn't keep up with. Sam released me and peered at his hands before clenching them into fists and placing them at his sides. “I’d never hurt you, so get that out of your head right now. I just need you to stop yelling.”
I stuck my pointer finger at my chest, and before I knew it, tears streamed down my reddened cheeks and onto the tiled floor. Memories from the past crept up on me, and I just wanted to go to sleep.
“I hate you.”
“I’ll make sure to add you to the list.” He was egging me on, giving me more of a reason to fight back, and I was shutting down. “Because you can’t hate me any more than I can possibly hate myself.” He swallowed. “Whether you believe me or not, I did it for you. You would have never married me for the person I was back then.”
“You're wrong.”
“About what?” He shot back.
