Her soft words curl around me. I drink them in like they mean everything. Because they do. She could have hated on me so hard for not being there, but she doesn’t seem to blame me at all. She blames herself, and… I can’t stand it.
“Dani…” I shuffle forward, cupping her cheek, scrambling for the right words to say. “I personally don’t think there’s anything to forgive, because you didn’t do anything wrong. But just in case you need to hear it… I forgive you.”
She bites her lips together, looking away from me as she obviously fights a fresh wave of tears. After a soft, wispy breath, she rasps, “I forgive you too. Even though I’ve never once blamed you for getting there late. I didn’t. He wasn’t paying you to be his bodyguard. You weren’t dutybound to stay by his side. He knew that.”
“Just like he knew you were only trying to keep him safe. Just like he knew how much you loved him.”
“I love him.” She nods. “I’ll always love him, and I want to keep him perfect in my memory.”
My chest hurts as I rasp, “But he wasn’t perfect.”
“He has to be.”
“No, Dani. He doesn’t. He was a fuckup sometimes. You know this. That’s why we had to work so hard to keep an eye on him. And now we’re carrying all this guilt and shame when he’s the one who fucked up.”
“Don’t!” She whips a horrified look at me. “Don’t say that about him.”
“Dani.” My voice is a low rumble. “He fucked up. And we all paid a price for that.”
“But he wouldn’t overdose!” She pushes my hand off her knee and scrambles off the bed. “He wasn’t that reckless!”
“He could be sometimes.”
Snatching a sweater off the floor, she throws it over her naked body. “If I hadn’t stormed off all angry with him, I would have been there to stop him.”
“And I could have been there to stop him too, but he could have stoppedhimself. We don’t have to carry the entire blamefor this. We didn’t force those pills down his throat. He took them bychoice.”
I hate the thought that Atlas did that, and it’s always bothered me. It’s eaten at me that no one else around him thought to check him. Someone must have offered him those pills, and we’ve never found out who… so I threw all the blame on myself. I took it all. I have no idea why, but I’ve been carrying this ever since I heard Dani screaming for him to wake up.
Dani lets out another whimpering sob, slapping a hand over her mouth like she’s trying to hold it all in. But then she bends forward, her body buckling.
I leap off the bed, racing around to catch her before she hits the floor.
Gathering her into my arms, I hold her against me while she shrieks, “Why, Atlas! Why did you to this to me!”
Her screams are harrowing, reminding me of the night she found him dead.
It makes me wonder if she’s ever let herself say it before. If she’s ever let herself be angry with him for leaving her way too soon.
Thumping onto the floor, I rest my back against the wall and cradle her in my lap, letting her cry and yell at Atlas until she’s spent. Until all that’s left are puffy breaths and a heaving chest.
CHAPTER 35
DANI
Tyrell didn’t say anything to try and make me feel better.
He just held me.
And that was all I needed him to do.
I have no idea how long we sat on that floor, but eventually he stood up. It was awkward, but he kept me clutched to his torso, lifting me with him and carrying me to the bed.
I couldn’t speak, couldn’t do anything but act like a limp doll. He laid me down, then nestled in behind me, his strong arms wrapping around me and keeping me close all night.
I’m not sure how much I slept, but as my eyes creep open, I can sense it’s the morning. The sun is glowing around the edges of my blinds.
I move my legs, curling them over Tyrell’s knees. He’s still behind me, his even breaths telling me he’s asleep. His arms are around me, though. I’m secure in his embrace.
