Her eyes lit up at the compliment. She reached out and held his hand. "I like playing with you."
He squeezed. “I like playing with you, too.”
“Do you have a girlfriend?” She cocked her head to the side.
He huffed a laugh. “No. Do you have a boyfriend?”
She wrinkled her nose and shook her head. “I want one someday, though.”
He nodded and pulled his hand back to his lap. “Want to play again?”
She reached for the pieces, and he watched her hands. They looked nothing like the ones he’d held anymore. Though, she could probably say the same about his. They’d both gotten older. Just not together.
Memories flooded his head as they played. For how empty his head had been as he’d walked into the centre, it was overwhelming to experience the opposite.
He thought about the first time he'd brought Kara to his parents' house for Christmas. She'd been so nervous, but his family had welcomed her with open arms. They'd sat around thetable, playing games and laughing, and Ryan had known in that moment that he was going to propose.
He thought about their wedding day, how beautiful she'd looked in her dress, the way her eyes had sparkled with tears as they'd said their vows.In sickness and in health, for better or for worse.
He'd spent the last two years trying to hold on to his vows, trying to be the man Kara had married. He'd held on so tightly to the past that he hadn't been able to give her what she needed in the present.
He'd been to see her only a handful of times. He'd told himself it was because it was too confusing for Amaya, that it was too hard for Kara. Those things were true, but it had always been more about it being too hard for him.
Seeing her, and knowing that she didn't understand their relationship, that she didn't remember the time they'd spent together, was a thousand jagged blades to his heart every single time he walked into her room.
It was a reminder of what he didn’t have. He’d never once thought about how it could be a reminder of what he still had.
Kara didn’t need a husband. She needed someone to love her. Laura and Russ had figured that out instantaneously, it seemed. Laura was there every single day, regardless of whether Kara knew who she was or everything she did for her.
Ryan said he was sacrificing for Kara. But he wasn’t. Not really. He was cutting out his heart and hiding it in a box so it could never be crushed again like it was that night he’d come home from hockey practice.
His hands shook as he moved his pieces.
When Kara finally won the second game, she jumped up from her chair. "I did it again!" She clapped her hands together, her smile radiant.
Ryan laughed, his heart aching. "You're getting too good for me."
Kara sat back down and put the pieces away, tucking themback into the compartment on the bottom of the board. When she finished, he swallowed back the lump in his throat and reached out to take Kara’s hand. Her skin was warm and soft.
“I’m going to come visit more often.”
She laughed. “Because you like getting beat at checkers?”
He sniffed, setting her hand back on the table. “It’s my favourite.”
Ryan stood and walked to the door, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “Love you, Kara.”
She leaned back in her chair. “Love you, too.”
Ryan twisted the wedding ring from his finger and looped it over the hook next to Kara’s scarf, then left her room and walked back to his car.
He drove home on autopilot, and when he walked through his front door, he found Laura, Russ, and Amaya cuddled up on the couch watching an episode of Full House.
“Dad, have you seen this show?” Amaya grinned up at him, her eyes sleepy.
He laughed. “Yeah. I’ve seen most of the episodes, I think.” Ryan walked into the kitchen and paused with his hand on the back of a chair.
He drew a breath and exhaled, then walked to the counter and picked up the manila envelope.
