Ryan blinked, still watching her.
She continued, "It's three hundred a night, and we have them for the whole week. I know that's pricey, but they're private cabins right on the lake. My sister's husband has a boat?—"
"Stop for just a second." Ryan's throat worked. "You're saying . . . that you're okay with us coming to the lake."
Aelin cocked her head to the side. "Well, yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"
Ryan turned and stared out into the field, then swivelled back to face her. "I don't think it's a good idea."
Aelin frowned. "Why not?"
Ryan ran a hand through his hair, and his shirt lifted, exposing a strip of his stomach over the waistband of his jeans. Aelin quickly glanced away as he lowered his arms. "We barely know each other."
Aelin scoffed. "I know I like you better than some random person my sister might invite."
"Don't be so sure about that."
Aelin took a step closer. "What is there not to like? Our girls get along great. You're . . . you, and?—"
"I'm me?"
Aelin's throat went dry. "Yeah. Helpful. Nice. Not a murderer."
He blew a breath through his nose. "I'm not . . . that kind of guy."
"What kind of guy, Ryan?"
He turned, and his expression was thunderous. "A guy you want on a lake vacation."
Aelin chewed on this, trying to read between the lines. What kind of guy would she want on a lake vacation? She had no idea. Probably someone like her brother-in-law, Leo. Definitely not someone like Clark.
She exhaled. "I'm not a girl you want on lake vacations, either, okay?” Aelin paused, wondering how much she should share, but couldn’t analyze fast enough to keep the words fromspilling out.He’d already seen it anyway. “I cried all morning because I don't know if I'm going to be able to keep my house. Last week, I cried because I imagined myself in ten years living alone with at least three cats because my daughter had gone off to college, or now I’m thinking possibly prison, and I had never figured out how to trust someone again. Next week? I’ll probably unlock some new life fear that is close enough to reality to be terrifying. So maybe . . ." She shook her head. "I don't know, Ryan. Maybe we were meant to cross paths. Two sad people with daughters who are begging for girl energy in their lives that we can't give on our own. Maybe we just need to be open to what the universe is throwing at us. Maybe . . ." She pursed her lips. “Maybe this isn’t about us.”
She started back toward the girls, then paused and turned back to him. "But if it was, maybe I’d want to figure out how to be that girl again."
Ryan exhaled. "Time might be up for me."
She watched him a moment, then continued toward the bench.
_____
Aelin lay down on the bed after finally getting Bailey to sleep. It was ten thirty, and she felt like she’d just run a marathon.
She stretched out and pulled out her phone, tapping out a quick text to her sister.
I have someone who’s going to take a cabin!
She couldn’t believe Ryan had said yes. Both their girls had devolved into another round of tears, then chased each other like puppies, stopping only to hug their parents who were “the best ever” and making promises that they couldn’t possibly keep, like “I’ll never complain about anything ever again!”
Aelin waited for her sister to text back, but when she didn’t see anything, walked into the washroom to brush her teeth.
I don’t think it’s a good idea, Ryan had said. Based on how her body responded, she knew it wasn’t. It was like she was on a plane strapped to a skydiving instructor and no matter how much she protested, there was no way shewasn’tjumping out of that plane.
She wasn’t going to do anything about it. He was married, and until he decided not to be married, she wouldn’t cross any lines. But it wasn’t a crime to spend time together, and he obviously didn’t have the same struggle with her. Just like Amaya had so aptly pointed out, Ryan didn’t want to talk to her.
She picked up her phone, but instead of a message appearing on her screen, her sister's face in full Halloween makeup from the time she dressed as the Corpse Bride flashed in front of her.
"Hey,” Aelin answered.
