Ryan’s jaw ticked. "Great.”
Aelin blew on her tea. “You say that like you’re surprised.”
“No.” He kept his eyes trained on his mug.
She tightened her grip on the ceramic handle. “‘No’ as in you’re not surprised or ‘no’ as in you didn’t say it that way?”
“Does it matter?” He looked up, his eyes stormy.
Aelin’s hackles rose. Yeah. It mattered. She just couldn’t figure out why. Why should she care if he saw her as someone who could have a good time on a date?
She took a sip of her tea, the mint cooling against her irritated lips. “Probably not.”
They sat in silence for a moment. Ryan was the one to break the silence. “I don’t remember the last time I went on a date.”
She blew out a breath. “Over a year for me.”
“Last one with your ex?”
She nodded. “Unfortunately.”
His lips curved at the corners. “Were there any good moments?”
Aelin pulled on the tab for her tea bag. “When I was growing up, my mom always used those plastic grocery bags in our washroom trash cans. She had a bag full of them under the sink. Then when I was sixteen, my sister and I went and stayed with our uncle for a month over the summer to work at his vet clinic. A little summer job. My aunt bought these bags that fit the cans perfectly, and they had some kind of deodorizer in them. I stared at them every time I went in the washroom, amazed at how they didn’t get pulled or wadded up on the edge of the can.” She laid the string back along the side of the mug. “I don’t know if that makes sense, but my marriage was kind of like that.”
Ryan pressed his hands into the countertop. “Nobody talks about it.”
Aelin nodded and took a sip. “My parents divorced when I was little. I didn’t have any idea what the options were.”
“Maybe you should’ve looked in more trash cans,” Ryan murmured, and Aelin snorted, nearly sloshing her tea over the side of her mug.Maybe she should get that scrawled on her ribs.
“What about you?” she asked.
Ryan drew a deep breath. “Lots of good moments. I think we were happy.” He tapped his finger. “Sometimes I think it would’ve been easier if Kara would’ve died.” Aelin dropped her eyes, and Ryan hissed air through his teeth. “Shit. Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
She frowned. “Why not? I wish my ex was dead all the time.”
Ryan dragged a hand over his hair, tugging at his bun. “Yeah. Well.”
Aelin understood what he was getting at. He was still married, and his wife hadn’t chosen to blow their marriage apart. Her heart picked up speed. “I took him back the first time because I’d done a shit-ton of research on narcissism. How it’s a disease, you know? I told myself he was sick, and I’d promised to stick by him in sickness and in health.”
Ryan stilled, his mug halfway to his lips.
Aelin continued, “Then, one day when I had a panic attack in the shower, I realized that staying in the marriage would make it impossible for me to support anyone in sickness or health. I couldn’t take care of myself, let alone get Bailey chicken noodle soup when she stayed home from school with the flu.”
Ryan watched her, unblinking.
“Anyway. You didn’t sign up for the after-ten-o’clock version of me.” She took a long drink from her mug and set it on the counter. “I should grab Bailey and get going.”
He gave a tight nod, then left his tea and led her down the hall. A nightlight on the dresser gave off a soft, pink glow, making the girls look like cherubs. Aelin knelt down next to Bailey, trying to figure out the best way to hoist her into her arms.
“Here. I can do it,” Ryan whispered.
Aelin stood and moved to the side as Ryan dropped into a crouch and pulled Bailey into his arms like she was a ragdoll, cradling her head against his chest. He kept the blanket wrapped over her as he stood and turned toward her.
Holy hell.The sleeves of his T-shirt stretched across his biceps as he smoothed Bailey’s hair from her cheek with his thumb.
She didn’t realize she was staring until Ryan glanced between her and the door.Right.She spun and exited, nearly smashing her shin against the door frame. She worked to swallow the lump that was suddenly clogging her throat as she strode to the front and slipped her shoes back on. She opened the door, walked straight to her car, and didn’t look back.
