“Absolutely.”
Megan slapped her menu on the tabletop. “Tell her about the cliff jumping.”
Colin launched into his story, his eyes sparkling, his hands gesticulating. He was funny. Charming, but not in an in your face way. He seemed practical, smart, and kind. Put together.
Aelin should have been interested. Attracted, for sure. But as she sat there listening to him talk about climbing a rope ladder up the side of a waterfall, she found herself more concerned with what he was thinking of her than anything else.
Did he look at her and see a mom? She shuddered at the thought, but it was the same one she’d had at the Dusty Rose. She’d been existing in such a small microcosm of the world for so long, she didn’t know where she fit outside the walls of her own house. Was she attractive? Was she fun?
That idea was laughable. She didn’t know the first thing about being fun if it didn’t include playgrounds or craft supplies. Here Colin was talking about his world travels and humanitarian service, and all she had to contribute was her work on a PTA fundraiser and the compost she’d worked into the front garden beds.
Clark’s words echoed in her head.Vanilla. Boring. Insecure.She thought of the countless times he’d tried to push her to come out and party, or to have sex on the balcony of their hotel, or to sign up for a meditation retreat that sounded mostly like an acid trip.
All of it disgusted her.Hedisgusted her. She didn’t know what she liked or what she wanted because the last twelve years of her life had been swaddled inhim. Did she like spicy food? Did she want to travel around the world? Would she have climbed up the waterfall and jumped? Who the hell knew.
Colin helped them make choices from the menu, and Aelin went with his recommendation, Khao Soi, a Thai coconut curry noodle soup. She ordered it at the same spice level as he did, wondering if she was going to regret it.
Probably. Most likely. But it felt like the right thing to do,because she was on a date for the first time in over fourteen months, damn it. On a date with someone that wasn’t Clark for the first time in twelve years, and she wanted to know something about herself for once.
Megan paused in the middle of telling them about a doctor who, after a lunch meeting about a new drug to treat diabetes, asked her if she wanted to come back to his place for an edible and put a hand on her shoulder. “You okay?”
Aelin nodded and forced a smile. “Yeah. Just . . . yeah.” She took another sip of her water. She wasn’t drinking, not during dinner, and possibly not ever again after the other night at Dusty Rose. She hated that she couldn’t remember exactly what she’d said to Ryan, and worse, that she had no witnesses to pump for information. Considering where her brain was at, she wasn’t going to chance a lack of filter tonight.
Once dinner arrived and she started eating her soup, crunching the noodles into it like she watched Colin do, she didn’t have space in her head to worry about Ryan or Clark or anything else because her lips, tongue, and gum tissue were on fire. She tried to be a good sport, but Colin eventually noticed her nose turning red and her eyes watering so bad, she had to wipe them with her napkin.
He laughed and offered to order a new soup without spice, but she declined. Maybe it was some sick desire to self-destruct, but the plasma in her mouth felt oddly good. When she finished her soup, every part of her seemed to buzz, her insides humming with warmth and her brain less foggy.
“Is this what microdosing feels like?” Aelin wiped her tingling lips with her napkin. Maybe she would’ve liked that retreat after all.
Colin’s grin widened. “I can’t believe you ate the whole thing.”
“She’s a masochist.” Megan twirled her Pad Thai noodles on her fork.
It wasn’t too far from the truth. Why else would she have taken Clark back after he’d cheated the first time?
Aelin laughed, her head feeling lighter than it had in months. “C’mon, you know I’m only into spanking.”
Megan nearly choked on her water, then eyed her bowl suspiciously. “What the hell was in the soup? Comments like that usually only come out of you after ten o’clock.”
“Yeah, watch out. After ten o’clock Aelin is feisty.” Tag nudged Colin.
Colin leaned back in his chair. “Well, we’re definitely not ending the night here, then.”
Aelin’s pulse quickened as his eyes tracked over her face, dropping just below her jaw, then lifting to her eyes. Hewashandsome. She placed her napkin in her lap. “Ten o’clock Aelin doesn’t come out much anymore, I’m afraid. She has an early bedtime now.”
Megan scoffed. “You have a babysitter, right? And it’s not like you have to get up super early.”
Aelin opened her mouth to give a rebuttal, then stopped. She did have a babysitter. Ryan had even said she shouldn’t worry about timing. The idea of showing up later than expected at Ryan’s sent a wave rippling under her skin.
She was having a good time, wasn’t she? If she showed up late, Ryan would also know she’d been having a good time.
Aelin exhaled. “What are you suggesting?”
“There’s a folk music festival at Prince’s Island. Goes ‘til eleven I think.” Colin raised an eyebrow.
Aelin pulled out her phone and typed a quick message to Ryan.
Hey, dinner’s over, but we’re thinking about stopping by the music festival. Okay to be out a bit longer?
