She shook her head. “They were perfect.” He nodded, his eyes dropping to the counter. She drew a deep breath and continued. “There’s this thing that happens. I think to survive twelve years in a relationship with Clark, my body perfected the art of protecting me. What happened the other night . . . When I feel unsafe, it’s like a door just seals shut. I can’t access anything. No emotions. Nothing, just solutions and survival.”
Ryan looked up, something brewing behind his eyes. “Sounds terrifying.”
She pursed her lips. “It’s better than the alternative. Which is to feel all of it.” She wished she could leave a small gap in the door. Close out the pain and let the good trickle through, but it didn’t seem to work like that.
Ryan nodded. “Is the door still closed now?” he asked.
Aelin rubbed her hand over her arm. “I think it could open. But I’m scared.”
He rounded the counter and stopped in front of her. “Would it help if you didn’t have to open it alone?”
Aelin tipped her chin and looked into his soft grey eyes. “I don’t know. I’ve never had anyone to try it with.” Her body hummed like an engine, revving with each rise and fall of Ryan’s chest.
He reached out and put his hands on her hips, tugging her closer. The contact cracked something within her, letting out a whisper ofRemember this?
Aelin’s breathing quickened. She was instantly back at the cabin, far from Clark and the poison he dripped into her life. It was all deep-blue water and rainbow rocks, windswept hair and sunkissed skin. She knew his touch. It was like a brand on her skin, one she revisited late at night as she drifted in that dream world between waking and sleep. Where her subconscious wasn’t quite so efficient at hiding what she craved.
Ryan pulled back, and she wobbled. “I need to show you something.” He reached up and brushed a tendril of hair from her cheek, then pulled his phone out of his pocket. He swiped between screens, then turned his phone to her.
Aelin’s brows furrowed as she zoomed in on the text, then her heart dropped to her knees. She looked up at him, searching his face. “When did this happen?”
Ryan swallowed hard. “This morning. My in-laws sent it over.”
“You submitted the paperwork.”
A breath hissed between his lips. “The night we got back from the lake.”
Aelin’s eyes grew glassy. That was why he’d taken off his wedding ring. “How do you feel?”
His throat worked. He allowed his eyes to drift closed as if searching for the answer. When he opened them again, his expression was soft. “At peace.”
She nodded, then put her hand over his, looking up at him with a silent question.Now?It hadn’t been time for them to move forward at the cabin. Both of them had known it, but Aelin hadn’t understood her part until right that moment.
Ryan wasn’t someone she wanted on a lake vacation. He wasn’t a guilty pleasure or distraction. Ryan was someone she wantedeverywhere.
Ryan dropped his forehead to hers. “Please,” he whispered.
Aelin exhaled, the knot in her chest unravelling, then wrapped her fingers around his and pulled him down the hall.
Chapter
Thirty-Two
They barely stumbledthrough Aelin’s bedroom doorway before their lips sought and found each other with a desperation that made Ryan's heart race. The last time he’d tasted Aelin’s lips, they’d both been slick with rain, the wind whistling around them.
He kicked the door closed behind them as Aelin's fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer. He wanted to devour her, to make up for all the lost time, but he forced himself to slow down, to savour each press of their mouths, each brush of her tongue against his.
He’d touched nearly every part of her, but he didn’t yet have the feel of her lips memorized. He wanted all night—a hundred nights—to map them perfectly.
Aelin read his mind, her kisses turning languid and sensual as she ran her tongue over his lower lip. Ryan's hands roamed over her back, fitting into the dip of her spine, remembering the flare of her hips. He couldn’t get enough. Not at the cabin, and not here.
They broke apart, catching their breath. Ryan's gaze swept around the room, taking in the moving boxes scatteredeverywhere, the mattress made neatly with sheets and a comforter on the floor.
"I can help you unpack later if you want," he murmured before dipping his head to trail kisses along the column of her neck.
Aelin's breath hitched. "Not on the schedule." Her voice was husky with need.
He grinned against her skin. “Okay.” His hands circled her wrists, pulling her against him as he moved away from the wall.
