Gideon stood up and walked toward her. “Megs, that complaint was filed before that happened. You didn’t need to admit—”
“I did!” Megs slammed the mop on the floor leaving a puddle of murky water next to her feet, then leaned the handle against the booth. “I needed to admit it because the guilt was eating at me from the inside out. If you lost your job over—”
“I wasn’t going to.”
“You don’t know that!” She picked up the mop, but Gideon reached out and took it from her hands.
“Can you stop cleaning and talk with me for a second?”
Megs stared up at him, her body humming with nervous energy. She didn’t want to stop cleaning. It was the only thing keeping the dam up on her emotions. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but this is exactly why I avoided saying anything.”
Gideon’s brow furrowed. “Because you knew I’d have an opinion on it?”
“Because you’d blame yourself! Yes, I get that you’re in a position of power theoretically, but Gideon, I never cared about my grade in that class.”
“It seemed like you cared when you had an F.”
Megs let out an exasperated sigh. Of course he would bring that up. “That was out of principle, but it doesn’t matter! I stayed in that class because Ienjoyedwhat I was learning, and for the first time, I wasn’t worried about checking something off a list or impressing someone with an accomplishment. I liked it. I liked listening to you in class, and I enjoyed the assignments. But you weren’t holding anything over my head or making me feel like I had to be anything other than what I was. You were honest and—”
“No, Megs, I wasn’t.” Gideon rubbed his forehead.
“What are you talking about?” It felt like he was dragging an ice cube down her spine. What had he not been honest about, and why did the idea of him hiding something from her make her insides solidify?
“I should never have been grading your work.”
Megs’ stomach flipped inside out. An image of her standing in front of her first acting coach flickered in her mind. When she’d told him she didn’t want to be together anymore, he’d had no more reason to hold back the truths he’d apparently been hiding for a good part of a year. Truths likeyou’re a terrible actress,andI only said those things so you’d want me,orthis industry requires you to be a lion, and you’re a groomed house cat.
“Please don’t say it,” Megs whispered.
Gideon frowned. “Say what.”
Pressure built behind Megs’ eyes. “If you’re about to tell me that you gave me high grades because you felt bad about what happened at Sammy’s or—”
“What? No, Megs—” Gideon’s fingers brushed hers, and Megs froze as the volume sliders on every part of her body except for those fingers dropped to zero.
“I shouldn’t be grading your work becauseI think you’re brilliant.”
Megs blinked. He’d told her before how impressed he was with her work, but saying it again didn’t reconcile with him admitting now that he hadn’t been telling her the truth. “I don’t understand.”
Gideon took a step closer. “From that first night in the studio when you recorded your first audition, I was mesmerized. You have this ease when you record. Like you’re telling a story to someone sitting beside you.”
“I don’t see how loving my work would make you a partial judge.”
“Yeah, the problem is that it’s not only your work. I love everything about you, and I couldn’t tell you that for so many reasons.”
“What reasons?” The question popped out before Megs had fully processed what he’d said. I love everything about you. It suddenly felt like she’d gulped down boiling hot coffee.
“First, that I’m—I was—your professor, and for the first time in fifteen years, I wished I was worse at my job so that when you walked into class Monday afternoon, you would’ve hated it and decided to take the E on your transcript.”
“You wanted me to lose three hundred dollars?”
“Honestly, Megs, if I would’ve had any idea how incapable I’d be at seeing you as just another student, I would’ve transferred you the money that second and insisted you drop the class.”
Megs’ mouth felt as dry as if she’d just run six miles. “Second?”
“Yes. That exact second—“
“No, you said that was the first reason.”
