* * *
A thud came from behind the door, then another, followed by a muffled shout of fury. Sliding my knife from its sheath, I sidestepped Lothar’s hand as he tried to stop me from moving closer, and yanked the door open.
Beelzebub was crammed into the small space, his hands and feet shackled, his mouth gagged. Rage-filled eyes stared back at me as he released a stifled roar.
I tutted. “Now, now, Bub. I think we both know you brought this on yourself.” Lothar tried to get in my way again, but I shoved him back and spun on him. “You need to cool it with the overprotective bit, okay? It’s getting out of hand.” I motioned to Beelzebub. “And our new crew member can’t exactly do anything. That steel he’s been bound with was created by the gods, and unless we have the key to release him, which we do not, he’s staying shackled until we get him back to Hell.”
Lothar’s brows lowered, his eyes flashing from gold to red as he stared down at the traitorous lord who not only tried to overthrow Lucifer but had captured two of his brothers, locking them in their hound forms, and had plans to use and possibly hurt the only female hound in existence. “You think Drake did this?”
Going by the way Beelzebub exploded, fighting against his restraints and letting out another muffled roar, he’d just given us the answer. “He literally had a monster chase us away, getting us as far from him as he could, then gave us what we wanted. Trying to protect himself and, I assume, hoping for leniency from Luci.”
Lothar bared his fangs. “What do you want to do with him?”
“Nothing.” I slammed the door, shutting Beelzebub back in the closet. “He can stay there until we reach land.” Grabbing some clothes, I quickly dressed and strode out of the cabin, suddenly needing space. I had to get away from that bed and Lothar before I did something stupid. I needed to breathe in some sea air, clear my head, especially after he’d tended the scar on my side. It had brought back painful memories, more than I could take. Especially since this thing between us, that should have been erased, at least on his side, seemed to be growing in intensity every day.
Lothar dressed in record time, because his boots were thudding on the wooden floorboards after me, before I even reached the deck.
There was no getting away from him, though. We were on a gods-damn ship in the middle of the Night Sea. Quickly climbing the stairs, I rushed through the small cabin and out onto the deck, where I dragged in a breath, desperately trying to clear my head.
“You okay?” Lothar asked as he closed the space between us.
I gripped the railing and looked out at the ocean. The sun was going down fast, and we were headed for choppy seas. “Never better,” I lied. He moved up behind me, his hands gripping the railing on either side of mine, trapping me against his huge frame.
He pressed his face against the crook of my neck and breathed in deeply. My eyes slid closed, my heart pounding furiously in my chest. He wanted me, I could feel how much. Not just in the obvious way but in the way he gripped the railing so tightly it was as if he were fighting for control, in the slight tremor moving through his muscled body, and by the way his heart pounded wildly against my back.
“I really don’t smell bad to you anymore?” I asked, which could steer us into dangerous territory, but I wanted to know.
“You smell the same, but how it affects me is different, like something was distorting it or masking you, and I’m finally getting your true scent. I’m not filled with the urge to remove myself from your presence anymore.”
Me stinking sure would help about now. I didn’t know what this change meant, but it couldn’t be good. I forced a careless laugh. “I’m glad I don’t stink, but?—”
“Let me have you,” he said in a deep, rough voice, all beast. “Give yourself to me.”
I shivered. Something had most definitely changed. Lothar was different, and it wasn’t just the scent thing. “That’s not a good idea.” He was asking for more, for all of me, at least physically, but giving him that could be the catalyst to revealing the secrets I’d sacrificed everything to lock away forever.
“Have you ever been with a hound, Roxy?” His voice was all growl.
Oh gods. I squeezed my eyes closed tighter. “No.” And that was the truth, not in the way he meant. Lucifer had forbidden me and Lothar to take it there. He’d ordered us to wait, adamant that the time wasn’t right for our mating. We’d obeyed our maker, our king, and it was the second biggest regret of my life.
“I’ll make you feel so good, kitten,” he said against the side of my throat, his voice guttural.
He was using that name more and more, as if it came naturally to him, and every time he uttered it, it tore me apart. “Step back, Lothar. I need some space.” This was getting out of hand. I’d already done things with him that I never should have. It was inevitable that he’d want more from me. I should have known. But, somehow, I had to douse the embers igniting between us.
“I’ll fill you up, Roxy. So good, all you’ll be able to do is scream my name and beg me for more.” He nipped my jaw and nuzzled my cheek. “And I’ll give it to you, baby, exactly how you need it, and when you’re trembling and sweaty and your pussy’s soaked from how hard I fucked you, from how hard you came for me, I’ll slide back inside, and fuck you again, but this time, I’ll take it slow, I’ll make you feel every inch?—”
“Stop,” I gasped and spun, shoving against his chest. “You need to stop.” Because I was seconds away from giving in, from dropping to my hands and knees and offering myself up to him, from begging him to do whatever he wanted to me.
“You want me, Roxy, just as badly as I want you.” He took my chin in his roughened fingers. “I can smell it, smell just how badly you want everything I just described.”
“Lothar—”
“I don’t know why you’re fighting it. It’s just sex, right?” His gaze slid down to my mouth and back up. “Why can’t we just enjoy each other?”
No, of course he didn’t understand, and I didn’t know how to make him. But we couldn’t be together, despite my slipups, no matter how much I wanted it. The truth was, Lothar wasn’t mine. The feelings he had for me were buried and never resurfacing. Desire was all he felt when he looked at me, and it was a spear to my chest. It didn’t matter that I already knew this, or that this was how it had to be. Knowing that I was just someone to feel good with for a little while hurt like hell.
I’d given in to him on this trip already because I wanted to pretend that our past hadn’t happened, because I’d fooled myself that I could handle it and not break my own heart, but I knew better now.
Taking this further would be a huge mistake. There was no going back to the way it was. It was impossible for several reasons.
