For him.
When I get off the phone, I approach the Sinners, who are still congregated around the pizza boxes in the main warehouse. There’s another thing I must do before we go on our mission.
“Luke, you mind if we chat for a minute?”
He and Brad exchange a look before he pushes to his feet and steps away with me. When we’re far enough from the guys for some privacy, I turn back to him. “Hey, I know this is overdue, but this has all gotten out of hand so fast, and I figured you didn’t want to talk to me after you found out the truth, but I do want you to know that when the Saints first told me to watch you and the Sinners, I really thought I was protecting you. And I enjoyed spending time with you. Watching movies. Pushing you outside of your comfort zoneoccasionally. I just didn’t want you to go on thinking that was fake. Not that you even care.”
He’s quiet, just listens to me, which is really all I need him to do.
“Alexei, I had a lot of fun too. That’s what made it hurt when the truth came out.”
“I get that.”
“You were cryptic about what they were paying you with…or what you needed that notebook for. What was it?”
A part of me just wants to keep this close to my chest. Like this is my burden to bear, and I must suffer with it, never let it out to hurt another. But I remember what it felt like to talk with Matteo about it. It didn’t feel like a bad thing; it felt…healing. And after what I did, Luke deserves the truth.
“I have a brother.”
“What?”
“He went missing a few years ago. We don’t know what happened. And the Saints promised me I could get answers. And when they didn’t follow through, I tried to get them myself. And I know that doesn’t excuse what I did to you, but…I just miss him so fucking much.”
My face twists up, and the tears are fucking coming.
No.
I turn away and wipe at my eyes.
“Alexei…I’m so sorry.” He rests his hand on my arm, and it takes me by surprise.
“I just don’t mention him around people because then they’ll ask about where he is, and I hate telling them he’s notaround anymore when I hope that one day he’s gonna walk through the door and everything’s gonna be fine.”
When I turn to him, his expression is sympathetic.
“I don’t expect you to forgive me, but in case anything happens tonight, I wanted you to know I never did any of this to hurt you. But I have to be honest, and even if I knew then what I know now, I’m so fucking desperate, man, I’m not sure I would have done the right thing. And I’m sorry for that too.”
I’m tearing up again.
He’s quiet for a few moments. “I’m not going to forgive you, Alexei.”
And though it hurts, I accept that’s the punishment for what I did.
But then he moves close, hooking his arms around me and reeling me in for a hug—a tight, real hug, the hug of a friend. “Because there’s nothing to forgive. I’m sorry you had to deal with all that.”
Tears rush from my eyes, though not from pain, but from relief. Until he said the words, I hadn’t realized how much the guilt had been weighing on me.
I sob against his shoulder, and he just holds me close, comforting me until I manage to get myself together. When I finally pull away, he extends his hand. “Friends?” he asks.
I take his hand and shake. “Friends.”
We share another hug before joining the guys.
I tell Matteo about making up with Luke, and soon, we’re all on our phones, whittling away what may be the last moments of our lives doing what we all love most—baskingin the pleasures of social media.
At nine thirty, we head through the woods toward the back of Alpha Alpha Mu. We’re far enough that we can barely make out the house through the trees.
“Here,” Cody says. He hands Matteo and me necklaces like the ones the Sinners wear. “I’m gonna do a spell that should keep you guys from being seen up to the house. Seth knows how to break it when Malcom gets the door. We’ll do the same.”
