But he doesn’t laugh. “No, Alexei, it’s much more thanthat. I never considered just how kind, thoughtful, and caring a person you could be. The way you would be willing to put your life on the line to help out some guys you hardly know.”
“That’s what you did with me, isn’t it?” I ask, thinking of my own reasons why I’m so enamored of Matteo. “I feel like you’ve put yourself last when it comes to what needs to be done.”
He studies my expression before gulping. “I have this thought, but I’m scared if I say it, you’ll think it’s too soon, that it’s ridiculous. But I like you. A lot. I think I’m falling for you.”
The rush through me reminds me of when I came, but hitting at something so much deeper in me. Lost in his gaze, the words pull right from me. “I’m falling too. Pretty fucking hard.”
He chuckles, but then his eyes widen. “Sorry, I’m not laughing at that. Just at all this, and being so relieved to hear you say it back.”
“You don’t have to apologize. It is kind of funny. Remember when we were just two straight guys?”
We both laugh, but soon he’s kissing me again, and there’s nothing funny about that. I place my hands against the back of his head, keeping his lips tight against mine as our tongues steal another taste.
Aknockcatches my attention before the door opens and I hear Cody’s, “Ooh, oops. Never mind. Sorry. Sorry.”
By the time Matteo and I manage to pry our mouths away from each other and turn, it’s closed again.
“The pizza’s here,” Cody says. “Just, for whenever you’re ready. No rush.”
“Sorry for the eyeful,” Matteo calls out, and we’re both snickering again, but I feel his stomach rumbling against mine.
“We should get you some food.”
“Just a few more minutes,” he pleads, nestling his face against my neck.
And I’m not about to refuse him. Not sure I could even if I wanted to.
And I definitely don’t want to.
*
After eating pizza,Matteo and I FaceTime our parents.
Given what we have planned, I keep reminding myself this isn’t a life-or-death mission. We can always back out. But it’s not like there’s no risk.
“You sound off tonight,” Mom says.
“Do I?”
“Everything okay?”
The weight of what’s happening feels like it’s settling in the back of my throat, wanting to push out but stuck behind a dam, water pummeling it but unable to break through.
I shake my head. “Just busy,” I say, which is the closest I can get to the truth. Part of me fears that if something did happen, they might be left wondering the way we have about my brother. After all, there’s so much we don’t know about the Rift or the Saints’ powers. And with Syphor potentiallyexpecting an attack after Matteo entered him, there’s really no telling what the consequences could be if things don’t go according to plan.
Which is why I can’t let that happen.
I refuse.
“Just wanted to say I love you both. More than anything.”
They tell me they love me too, and when I see the sadness in their eyes, I’m relieved. Because I know they assume this is a moment I’m having, where I want to make sure they hear this because of what we didn’t get from my brother.
“I love Nick too,” I say.
“We do too, baby,” Mom assures me.
We sit in a moment of silence.
