Maybe because I’m tired of secrets and lies.
Maybe because it’s all I can think about right now.
Maybe because I think Matteo’s a good guy who might understand.
I find myself saying, “My brother.”
The words come out so softly, I wonder if he even heard me, but a subtle shift in his expression, in the way he looks at me, assures me he caught it.
Just saying that much is a weight off my chest, so I just confess. “His name’s Nick. He’s two years older. He’s my best friend, my protector.”
Bringing him up always evokes memories—his smile; thoughtful moments, from making sure to grab me a Snickers bar or ice cream from the store to picking me up when my crap first car broke down.
I fight to push them back. “Four years ago, he was starting at the community college in our hometown, outside Chicago. He was hoping to get good enough grades to get ascholarship here. We texted and talked every day, even on October twelfth, the day he went missing.”
“Oh God, Alexei. I’m so sorry.” There’s something so soothing about his words and his gentle gaze. This isn’t something I like talking to anyone about, but…Matteo’s easy to share this with.
“He worked at a local bakery, and he went to work one evening but never came home. From what we found out, he was at work that night. People saw him right up until close. A guy who owned a shop down the street even waved to him as he was heading out. But something happened on his way home.” My chest constricts, and a tear escapes my eye. “We’ve never had answers. Just more questions. They found his car about twenty miles outside of town. But no Nick.” I bat at my eyes with the back of my hand. Fuck, that’s enough. “So don’t tell me nothing can be worth this because I know it is. You have no idea what it’s like not knowing. I’d do worse than what’s in those stupid pages to know the truth.”
He opens his mouth like he’s about to say something but then shuts it just as quickly. “I’m so sorry, Alexei.”
“Just remember that next time you make assumptions about someone.” I spit that out, some rage, not just at him, but the world. There’s a weight off, but now I’m starting to wonder if I shared too much. I don’t even know this guy. Why did I tell him all that? Although, the way I’ve kept it bottled up for so long, I shouldn’t be surprised at how it all came flooding out.
“I should go.” I grab my bag and start for the door whenI feel his hand on my shoulder.
It’s not a threatening touch. It’s gentle. Warm.
I turn back to him, and our gazes lock.
“Alexei, I’m sorry. That sounds like a nightmare, and I don’t judge you for being willing to do anything for answers. But please tell me you can see this from my perspective. If you were in my shoes, knowing what I know, wouldn’t you want to help someone you thought might be in trouble?”
Nearly as quickly as he raised my defenses, he cuts right through them.
“Please,” he adds. “Whatever you’re going through, you don’t have to do this alone.”
I’m still annoyed he thinks I’m in a sex cult, but I see his point. Other people might have just assumed I was in a cult and left me to deal with it on my own. If I were in his shoes, I like to think I’d be a big enough man to try and help him too. That even if he pushed like I have, I’d keep on trying.
In the short time I’ve known him, he’s shown me a lot more than the fun, sex-crazed guy I’m used to seeing around campus. So far, he’s been true to his word about keeping our secret. He helped me gain access to Spencer’s room. And now he’s trying to protect me from what he believes is a dangerous group.
I could just pretend that’s what’s going on. Then tell him to fuck off. But I don’t want to do that.
This could be the stupidest mistake ever, but as I look into his sympathetic gaze, I say, “Meet me tonight in the woods. Don’t tell Brad where you’re going or anything about any of this.”
6
MATTEO
Ihike throughthe woods, one hand tucked in my pocket while holding my phone with the other, using the light app to guide me. Alexei said I couldn’t come from the trails near campus, so I had to drive around to the street on the other side of the woods and walk. I’m already trembling from the chill in the air, but an even colder breeze passes over me, making my body shiver even more.
The past few days, I’ve been a wreck, worried sick about Alexei. Then he told me that shit about his brother. I’m haunted by his words and how difficult they were to get out as he shared this dark part of his life. And now I understand his desperation, and I’m even more concerned that the Alpha Alpha Mu guys are taking advantage of him.
“Meet me in the woods.”
I don’t know what the hell he wants, but I tried to reason with him, only for him to insist he had to show me, and then he left the library study room. Later, he texted me where to meet him, his last text reading:If you don’t come, I’ll understand.
Of course, whatever the hell he’s into, I’m not gonna leave him, and if I find out those frat assholes are pulling afucked-up prank on him or worse, they’ll discover he was the wrong guy to fuck with.
I’m worried I might have read Alexei’s instructions wrong, but then I come up to a dilapidated shed. A light flashes on before moving toward me. It looks like it’s floating, until Alexei draws near. Unlike me, he’s using an actual flashlight. He’s bundled up in a coat and a beanie, tufts of his lengthy bangs hanging loose, his breath fogging up in front of him.
