He pushes to his feet and approaches me. “Look, I’ve been reading about this kind of stuff. And whatever they’ve asked you to do, you don’t owe them shit. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”
I figured he’d be asking questions about what he saw in the notebook, but sounds like he’s more concerned about the Saints.
“Huh?” is the most I can say, and he moves closer.
“You’re not the only person this kind of thing has happened to. It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
As he approaches, I take a few steps back, until my shoulder blades are against the whiteboard behind me. “Matteo, what the hell are you on about?”
He takes a deep breath. “I think you’re in some kind ofsex cult.”
“What?” I can’t disguise my shock.
“Fuck, I wasn’t supposed to saycult. That’s one of the big pieces of advice I saw online. But come on. You have to see it, Alexei. I don’t know what they said to you. Or how they convinced you. But hell, people have been convinced of weirder shit. Like…stuff you wouldn’t believe. Aliens, ghosts, supernatural powers…you name it, there’s a cult around it.”
I was expecting a lot of things—that he’d tell me this was wild or ridiculous, stupid, even. This wasn’t an angle I’d considered, though now that he’s confronting me about it, I can see where he’s made the connections: Creepy frat group. Spells and rituals. My desperation to get my hands on what he perceives to be a holy book.
“I’m not in a cult,” I assure him.
He closes his eyes, taking a breath. “I know this probably won’t help, but you know what people in cults often say…”
“Matteo, is this what you’ve been researching?”
“Yes. For the past few days. I sent an email out to a group about resources to help you out. You’re not alone.”
As annoyed as I am, I must admit it’s pretty fucking admirable that he’s willing to stage a cult intervention with me, someone he doesn’t even know that well. Even if he’s totally on the wrong track, he’s a good guy.
He runs his fingers through his bangs. “Maybe this was the wrong way to go about this. Maybe I should have gone straight to your family, but…”
A jolt of adrenaline pulses through me. “What? Matteo, no, you can’t tell them about this.”
“No, no. I’m not. When I saw those pages, I knew that would be horribly violating to share without your consent. I couldn’t do that to you.”
I’m glad he said that, but I can still feel the anxiety just from the thought that he might.
“I have to believe there’s a way to reach you,” he goes on. “Please, Alexei. There’s a group nearby that meets and talks about experiences with cults. We can go together. Just for a meeting.”
“Matteo, please be quiet and listen to me. I’m not in a cult, and this thing I took photos of, maybe you should just forget about it and let me handle my own shit.”
His expression twists up. “I’ve read the pages. I know what you’re supposed to do.”
My cheeks warm. This is so fucking embarrassing. Because even though he’s totally off about what’s going on here, he knows what I’m gonna have to work myself into doing, whether I like it or not.
“You’ll have toreceivesomeone,” he says, emphasizing the phrasing in the notebook, “in all these ways. Dude, you’re not even queer, are you?”
“That’s not what it’s about. For whatever reason, the Saints discovered it’s more effective if…”
“Who the hell are the Saints?”
Oops. That slip is only gonna fuel his sex-cult theory.
His eyes are wide as he says, “Are you listening to yourself right now? Whatever Preston and his friends told you, it’s gotten into your head…and, Alexei, nothing can be worth going through all that.”
His words sting at a tender wound.“Nothing?”I snap. “That just shows how little you know me.” I bite my lip, regretting my outburst, but it’s the truth.
Matteo’s shoulders relax. His expression softens. “Then explain it to me.” His words are gentle, and he waits for my reply. Like he’s willing to listen and stop going off about his wild theories. Although, I guess maybe not as wild as the truth. After a few moments without a response, he says, “Why do you need that…spell…or whatever it is?”
I should just tell him to fuck off and then walk out the door. Not sure what it is…
