“It sure can feel like a fire when you’re in the middle of it and it’s shredding everything you love toashes.”
“Maybe so, but some story about my father can’t kill me. It might hurt like a motherfucker. It might dredge up every terrible thing I’ve ever felt in my whole goddamned life, but it’s gonna take a hell of a lot more than that to take medown.”
I noticed a guy at the end of the bar watching us. Like some of the other people in the restaurant when I first arrived, I figured he knew the story that had been playing on the news. “I think this is the part where we head somewhere a little moreprivate.”
Dax scanned the room, surely picking up on the same attention I was as I surveyed the space. “Privacy sounds nice right about now. I went ahead and booked a hotel roomnearby.”
“A hotel room? Jesus, were you just gonna leave your shit at myplace?”
“I was going to come back…at some point,” Dax said, glancing around uneasily, then pushed to his feet and started over like he was going to help meup.
“The whole point of this boot is so I can do this on my own. I got this. I appreciate the thought, but I’m good,Dax.”
We headed out together, and as we Ubered back to his hotel, we remainedquiet.
“You sure you’re okay?” he asked, leading me into hissuite.
Cornering him at the door, I said, “Dax, comeon.”
He quieted, pursing his lips together in a way that was oh-so-adorable. In a way that made me want to kiss him that muchmore.
“I missed you,” I spatout.
“I’ve been gone for maybe a fewhours.”
“A few hours too long…of me wondering when I’d see you again, if I’d see you again. What? Were you going to ask me to box up your stuff and send it back to WestHollywood?”
“I would have sent a label,” he joked, though I felt like there was too much truth in it. “Seemed like you didn’t want me sticking around. But I missed you too, stupid as thatsounds.”
I grinned because damn, I couldn’t helpit.
“This might be an awkward moment for this, but I think I need to prop my leg up for a bit,” Iconfessed.
“Oh, yes, of course.” He led me to the sofa and laid out somepillows.
I felt silly with my legs raised and lying back. Dax grabbed a chair and slid it over to me, then sat beside me—close, but definitely not close enough for myliking.
“So…about you missing me?” heteased.
I thought about what to say, about the conversation I’d had with Nance. I wasn’t sure how to explain any of it to him, so I just went right for it. “Nance came over after you left, and we got to talking about Crawford. I should talk about him more, but the truth is, it’s the hardest thing that my family’s ever had to deal with, and it left a hole in my heart. I’m not sure even I realized how big it was. In some ways, I do think I’ve been pushing people away all my life, trying to keep them at a distance because in the back of my mind, I always feared that if I loved someone too much, I’d wind up getting hurt like I did back when Crawford passed. And also, if I added another member to my family, that was someone I could wind up destroying as much as I got destroyed the night I lost him, and I would never wish that sort of pain onanyone.”
Dax inspected my face as if searching for something, maybe trying to ascertain my feelings about everything Ishared.
“I like to think I’m a pretty brave guy, but in one area, I’ve been a coward. It’s not some fluke that I’ve never had a serious relationship, and I don’t think it’s been that way for youeither.”
“No, not a fluke. I spent my childhood around people who were always looking out for themselves, sucking the life out of me. I didn’t ever think I could meet anyone who actually gave me more life. And then I metyou.”
“I’m not going to sit here and hem and haw around it, Dax, because I’m not that kind ofguy—”
“I’m in love with you,Jace.”
I stopped, taken aback, but also relieved as fuck to know that not only did he feel that way, but he was willing to say the words I knew were at the heart of why I had struggled so much with everything that had gonedown.
“I wasn’t about to let you beat me to that,” Dax added with a grin, like he was victorious for spitting it out fast enough. He snickered as his grin shaped into a sly smirk. “I could tell that’s where you were going with that, so I kind ofcheated.”
“I’m in love with you too,Dax.”
Dax’s smile diminished, replaced with worry, concern even. “Last thing I ever wanted in the world was to fall in love. I spent my life trying to see the worst in people, hoping I’d never get attached, but then I met the one guy I couldn’t see the worst in…who could get through all my defenses because I’d only created walls to protect myself against bastards and assholes. I didn’t stand a chance against a sexy man with a heart of gold.” I could feel the sincerity in his compliment, but just as quickly, he tensed up. “I just wish I hadn’t been the one who brought this poison into yourlife.”
