It was cruel to be trapped in that bed when all I wanted to do was run far away and break down. I heard Nance sniffling. I wanted to be in tears too, but I couldn’t break. I wouldn’t allow myself to. I could be strong like him. I could fight back the pain and the tears for them, no matter how hard it was. They needed Batman right then, not some crying-ass BruceWayne.
However, considering how distressed I was from the events of the day and the news my family had just been assaulted with, it was hard to muster thestrength.
All this over some stupid accident.Although, I knew how even stupid accidents could be fatal in my line ofwork.
As the commentators on the news station offered their well-wishes regarding my condition, Dax asked, “Do you mind if I turn off theTV?”
He sat in a chair between Serena and Nance. I’d noticed them entering the room, but hadn’t realized they’d sat, clearly having been too absorbed in the TV and working to keep my shittogether.
“Please,” I said through grittedteeth.
Dax grabbed the remote attached to the arm of my bed and turned the TV off, leaving us in deafening silence. The air was thick with worry, like a fragrant cologne that made me cringe and feel unsettled, wishing I could have been anywhereelse.
“I think I’m just going to step out for some air,” Serena offered, surely feeling like the odd one out since she didn’t know us well enough to be privy to everything she’d just witnessed. But then again, neither did most of the people who now knew that part of mypast.
As she left, Nance set her hand onmine.
“You should probably call the aunts and uncles, let everyone know everything’s okay,” I told her, hoping she’d take the hint, which she did, which left Dax and me alone with oneanother.
He stayed put in his chair at first, giving me some space, before pushing to his feet andapproaching.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” he said in a low, breathy whisper. I could feel his concern, and as I looked at him, saw the sadness in hisexpression.
It was hard…not just having to deal with the pain from my past, but knowing how much I’d worried Dax. When I was a kid, I was concerned about Crawford every time he went to work. I knew what it felt like to hear that he was injured, to fear that it could be the worst. And I knew how that affected Nance andKeegan.
Now Dax carried that burden too, and it was all myfault.
“I’m sorry,” I toldhim.
“Sorry? You don’t have anything to be sorryabout.”
“Not that something happened, but…” I couldn’t finish my sentence. How could I tell him that the only reason he had anything to be worried about was because he knew me. Because there was always a chance that one day it’d be my face up there on the TV screen, and I’d be leaving him and Nance and Keegan, same as Crawforddid.
“I just meant sorry your day got interrupted over a fractured fibula,” Ilied.
Dax took my hand, interlocking his fingers withmine.
I felt like such a selfishbastard.
I’d done this to him. Nance and Keegan were a part of my life because of their relationship with me, but by wanting to be closer to Dax, by enjoying every moment we spent together, I’d lassoed him into all this bullshit too. The worry, the fear, the possibility of losing me the way I lostCrawford.
He’d snuck up on me, though. I’d considered the thought the more my interest in him intensified, but I never expected for our relationship to blossom and flourish the way it had. And in some ways, because of how it all transpired, amid this ridiculous celebrity-status fiasco, it felt like this thing outside of my day-to-daylife.
We were just supposed to be having a bit of harmless fun. I was supposed to be able to play with that spark we’d ignited, watching as my feelings for him spread about carelessly like kerosene, in hopes that neither of us would getburned.
Hadn’t I been around fires long enough to know that wasn’t how theyworked?
Dax leaned down and rested his free hand on my face. “You need me to get youanything?”
I shook my head. “I’ll befine.”
However, I could see in his concerned expression that he knew better. I was so forthcoming with him about so many things, but not that part of my life I tried to bury away, even frommyself.
“Would you mind checking on Keeg?” I asked. “Make sure he’s alright?” I wanted him to check on my bro, make sure he was okay, but I also needed a momentalone.
“Of course.” Dax offered a kiss, and even at my worst, even when I thought my soul couldn’t recover, it brought melife.
As soon as he stepped out, my face quivered, and the tear I’d been holding back shifted around in myeye.
