I set the cup back down. It rattles against the tabletop. I seize my wrist and hold it firmly in an attempt to force myself to stop shaking, though I can’t still the vibrations deep within mybeing.
I check my phone again and see a text message from Jesse:Good luck. I loveyou.
I catch something out of the corner of myeye.
I’ve looked up to see different customers entering the main area of the restaurant, and this time, I see her standing in the entryway, searching forme.
It surely mirrors something she’s been spending so much of her timedoing.
Searching forme.
Even when she finds me, not knowing where the real Ericwent.
Some days, I’m not evensure.
I push to my feet and flag her down when she turns to me. Her eyes light up, but there’s sadness there too. In a skirt and button-up blouse, she’s dressed the way she might have been had she been going tochurch.
We meethalfway.
“Oh, Eric,” she says as she gives me a warm hug, the sort I remember so well because she offered them so freely andfrequently.
Unlike back then, it makes me tense up, feel even more on edge than I alreadydid.
She didn’t do this toyou.
As she pulls away, she says, “It’s nice seeing youagain.”
“It’s nice seeing you too,Connie.”
Happy as I am to see her, I can’t enjoy it without being afforded the cruel memory ofhim. It’s that power that a man, even in death, can have over another. How he took so many things in my life and hit a switch within me that turned everything dark. He may have believed he was just taking one thing from me that night, but he took so much more. I can’t imagine, even if he tried, that he could ever truly know just howmuch.
“I figured you’d like this place,” I say, trying to jump-start the conversation and save us from having to navigate any awkwardness she might feel, or the need to acknowledge the lack of initiative at keeping her in mylife.
“Well, you know I’m always a fan ofItalian.”
“This can’t compare to what you can do with a meatball, but it’s fairlygood.”
She beams at the compliment. “So tell me what you’ve been up to, Eric. How has your life been? Is business okay? Are you seeing anyone? Oh, I’m sorry. There are just so many things I want toknow.”
“It’s fine. Good, all right, and yes. Does that answer yourquestions?”
“So you’re seeingsomeone?”
I’d intended my response to be cheeky, thinking she wouldn’t really consider my answers, but her expression assures me I have just fallen into hertrap.
“Yes, I’m seeing a man named JesseMorgan.”
I’m not even sure her smile can get much bigger until it does. “You sound like you’re really happy withhim.”
“I am, yes. I’m inlove.”
Reminds me of what Liam and I discussed in New York…about how I want to marry that same man…something that’s consumed my thoughts more and morerecently.
Aunt Connie snickers, and it catches me offguard.
“What’s funny aboutthat?”
Tears stir in her eyes. “I’m sorry. Before I said you sound happy with him, I was going to say it sounded like you’re in love, but considering how long it’s been, I didn’t want topush.”
