I’mfine.
He’s here, and Charlotte and Stan are still in my life. That’s all I need to be sure of rightnow.
“Are you okay?” heasks.
“Yeah.”
“Anothernightmare?”
I nod, and he pulls me to him, holding meclose.
“Come on, it’s okay. It’s all right. You’re herenow.”
I relax against his firm body for a moment, taking in the reality of what he’s expressing. I finally manage to get my first refreshing breath of air before I say, “It’s okay. It’s not as bad as it once was. Hell, it’s been a few weeks since I had one likethat.”
I pull away and look at my protectiveman.
“I’m glad you’re back right now,” I add, since he came home from New York today. “My body was missingyou.”
“You don’t have to miss me now, so tell your brain tostop.”
“I don’t even know why I still have them. They’re so random. Everything’s fine with my parents, but clearly, some part of me believes the good things in my life are going to get pulled out from right under mynose.”
“That’s not going to happen anymore, Jesse, but I get the feeling.” He kisses my temple, and I relax a little more, trying to find some balance with allthis.
I take another breath, and he holdsme.
“I got you, Jesse. I’ve gotyou.”
I know he reallydoes…
“So strange, those things from the past that keep coming back up. I was with the woman at the shelter, Judy, and she was pulling me away. I haven’t seen her in so long, but she’s always present in my dreams, always hounding. This phantom I can nevershake.”
Eric appears sympathetic. “I know what you mean, maybe a little too much. In some ways, that’s how my aunt Connie has always been forme.”
I haven’t pushed him about it since he brought it up. I can’t imagine what it’s like…or all he has worked up around that. I just know it must be so fucking painful. However, now that he’s brought it up, I ask, “Have you considered meeting withher?”
“Considered it, yes, but not in any meaningful sort of way.” He takes a deep breath. “Need to just do it. I’ve been so good about facing so many things, and it makes me feel like acoward.”
I take his hand. “You’re doing it all in the timing that’s right for you. That’s the best you cando.”
He nods. “I think it might be the right time now,though.”
And it’s wonderful hearing him saythat.
16
Eric
After talkingto Jesse about his nightmare, about how his past haunts him, I can’t help but see the way it mirrors my own experience. The next morning, I make plans to meet with Aunt Connie. She’s unable to meet until the following week, which comes sooner than later, and I find myself waiting for her in an Italian restaurant inBuckhead.
As I sip on a Sprite I ordered to tide me over before Connie arrives, I realize I’m trembling, the plastic cup in my hand shaking with my movements. It doesn’t surprise me that I’m anxious, especially considering how the suspense of entering this moment has only caused the intensity of it all to gang up on mefurther.
Before Jesse left for work this morning, he was good about reminding me that I can dothis.
I can survive it, no matter how much of a struggle it might be forme.
However, it doesn’t keep me from being overwhelmed by emotions—those that have haunted me for so verylong.
