I gave him a key last week. It wasn’t so much a symbol of anything about where we’re at as much as I liked that he was able to come in and just meet me here, even if I was running late at the gym or on a run in PiedmontPark.
He glances over his shoulder, a smile whisking across his face as he hollers, “Hey, honey, glad you’rehome.”
That playful tone is music to my ears and makes my dicktwitch.
“What’s that smell?” Iask.
“I figured since you were having dinner with Ty, I could at least provide somedessert.”
“What is this dessert?” I start toward the oven, but Jesse jumps in myway.
“Uh-uh-uh. It’s asurprise.”
“Oh, a surprise? I like surprises.” As I approach him, cornering him against the oven, I wrap my arms around him, and he leans into my kiss, eagerly embracing it the way he usuallydoes.
He places his hand on my cheek and runs his thumb through my scruff before pushing me back to the adjacent counter, taking control, as is his way. It’s something I appreciate about him—that as much as he may enjoy submitting and bottoming for me, there’s this side of him that enjoys taking control, asserting his own dominance in situations. I welcome those moments because it’s nice to feel comfortable letting go aroundsomeone.
The guys I’ve dated in the past, Casey included, have tended to be all about wanting me to take control. And maybe that’s why I’ve gravitated to guys like that…because I enjoyed having control. Something about the way Jesse takes charge is nice, though, and I can’t quite explainwhy.
As he pulls away, he studies myface.
“So how was your dinner with Ty? Considering the expression you made when you walked in, it looks like things went better than youexpected.”
I had discussed my nervousness about meeting with Ty when I’d called him earlier in the day. Not an unusual thing. I’m usually like that about getting together with Ty, whether it’s for dinner or to see a game or go to amovie.
“What expression was I making?” Iask.
“You looked…relieved.”
I sigh. “Well, it wasn’t that great. It started off going about as well as it always does, but then I felt like…I don’t know, he opened up to me more. Also, I have this horrible awareness that I never told my son I’m proud ofhim.”
“That can’t be right,” hesays.
“I don’t know. It seems like I would have told him that before, but he mentioned it tonight, and…he could beright.”
“Do you really think you haven’t? Haven’t you been proud ofhim?”
“Of course I have, but I’m not sure I ever saidit.”
“Why do you think that is?” He appears genuinely curious, and I wish I knew theanswer.
“I was thinking about that all the way over here, and in some ways, I think…” I don’t even want to say it, but I go for the thought that keeps coming to mind. “I never thought it would have mattered to him. Like I didn’t have a right to say it. Is thatstupid?”
“Maybe a little, but I understand. If you never felt like much of a dad to him, I could see why that could seem like a big thing to say. But if that’s true, why do you think you said ittonight?”
“Possibly because after talking to you about Ty, I have hope again. That he might really want me in his life. Thank you forthat.”
I kiss him again, softly, intimately, in a way that means so much more than those frenzied kisses we shared in the beginning. Not that we don’t still have those, but I appreciate the variations in our kisses these days…and exploring every way of kissing I can withhim.
When I finally pull away from him, I ask, “Have you heard anything about this CPA idea hehas?”
“Funny that you mention it. He’s actually talked to me a lot about that recently. Kind of conflicted. I’ve been encouraging him to go forit.”
“I was trying to do that too, and I really hope he does. As he said when we were talking, he wasn’t really all that great with school when he was there, so it’s nice to see him passionate about that after being away from it for awhile.”
“I feel the same way,” he says, like I’m echoing some of his own thoughts aboutTy.
“Now that was my day. So quid pro quo,” I say. “How aboutyours?”
