“I got that job I interviewed for before coming outhere.”
Ty’s face lights up, that expression of authentic excitement that reminds me of what good friends they are. “Oh, that’s incredible. I’m so excited foryou!”
“I just got the call like not ten minutes ago,” Jesseadds.
“Oh, this calls for a celebration. We all have to do somethingtonight.”
Happy as I am that my son is here, I can’t help but be disappointed as I reflect on the night I wanted to have withJesse.
I wanted him alone, all to myself to savor and enjoy this special moment for him. I wanted to make it everything he deserves it to be. Of course, I’m sure he’s thrilled Ty is here to share the experience as well, but as his gaze shifts to me briefly, I can tell he wishes we could have just had one more night, a night to make what we wanted it to be. Just one more night to lose ourselves in the fantasy that maybe we’ve already enjoyed for toolong.
But once again, life’s reminded me that as delicious as it can be, in a moment, it can rip those very things right from you. I don’t want it to end, I keep telling myself, yet I don’t have a fuckingchoice.
Maybe that’s for the best. The longer we kept up the ruse that we could fuck around without consequences, the more I let myself forget the boundaries that need to be respected. I lost myself in the joy Jesse gave me in that ass…in his kisses…in every preciousconversation.
If we had enjoyed the sort of celebration I had pitched to Jesse, maybe we would have gone too far. After all, we haven’t been anything more than two menfucking.
And that…that would have been a date that meant somethingmore.
Still, I can’t deny I wanted something more…and it hurts knowing I can’t havethat.
It’s reallyover.
31
Jesse
Ty sits beside me,his arms moving about wildly as he passionately discusses solving his work crisis. “…so Theresa was yelling at Brian, and Brian was blaming Jaime, who isn’t even there anymore, and finally, I had to call it and say, ‘I don’t fucking care whose fault it is, we have to find a solution, and I want to be back on the beach, so we’re not going home until we figure itout.’”
We sit at the restaurant Eric suggested before Ty made his surprise appearance at the condo. The table is against the rail on the terrace, overlooking the bay as the sun sinks over the horizon, gold in a sky streaked with blue and redhues.
I feel bad because since Ty got back, he’s wanted to spend time with me, his best friend, and despite attempting to be as interested and engaged as I can be in catching up with him about everything that went down during his work catastrophe, there’s a part of me that keeps wishing I could have had more time on my own withEric.
Eric isn’t subtle about what he wanted either. He keeps glancing at me from across the table, despite clearly trying to stay focused on Ty, trying not to give either of usaway.
I turn and appreciate the sunset for a moment, but even that reminds me of what a magical date this could havebeen.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Ty says. “I know I’m boring you guys with work shit, and I shouldn’t be complaining because we’re celebrating Jesse’s new job, which I think we need to go ahead and toast to one more time for goodmeasure.”
He raises his wineglass before noticing Eric’s is empty. Grabbing the bottle, he pours some more into his father’s glass and then adds a little to mine before topping off hisown.
“Okay, now we’re good,” he goes on. “A toast to Jesse’s new awesome job, which I’m sure he’ll be incredible at. Jesse, I have always been impressed with you because you’re a hard worker, and you’ve put in a lot of time and hours at some shit companies that haven’t valued you as much as they should have. I told you they were shit companies and you deserved better, and finally, you’re taking an opportunity where I think you’re going to be used for all the skills you reallyhave.”
“Thank you,” Isay.
His sincere praise really throws me. As long as we’ve been friends, I’ve rarely heard Ty talk likethat.
We clink glasses, and as we drink, I catch Eric’s expression again. We look away, but not quickly enough, like we want to let it linger as long as wecan.
“Okay,” Ty says when he’s finished taking his drink. “I’m gonna head to therestroom.”
He bounces up and heads down a hallway behind Eric’s seat, where the signage leads to therestrooms.
I don’t fight my urge to look at Eric, and he’s not fighting it either. We hold each other’s gazes, neither of us saying anything but saying so much at the sametime.
This isn’t like the awkward silences that were so prevalent when we’d first started getting to know each other. There’s something calming about it as we sit there, expressing our genuine appreciation of what we’ve shared…and the disappointment of knowing it’sover.
“This is a really nice dinner,” I tell him before turning my attention back to thesunset.
