“I wasn’t thinking a lot of things would happen when I first metyou.”
I dodge a branch and continue along the path. I’m glad I’m facing away from him. I don’t want him to see my desire, and for some reason, I feel like whenever he’s looking at me, he can look past my guardedness and see more...or maybe just that he’s tryingto.
“I feel bad Ty had this shit come up with work, though. Figure he probably would have liked to spend more time withyou.”
“I thought you said you guys were friends. I can’t imagine that’s thetruth.”
“Do you not want to spend time with him?” heasks.
I stop in my tracks and turn to him, forcing him to halt behindme.
“Of course I want to spend time with my son. Look, I don’t know what he’s told you, but I do my best. And I was actually kind of glad this scheduling mishap occurred and he wound up being here because I thought I might get to spend some more time with him. We’re both so busy, living our separate lives, we don’t get much of that. Ty seems like he gets busy a lot when I’m around. I get that he actually has work to do, but other times, I feel like he always has a reason to be somewhere else.” I shake my head. “I shouldn’t even be telling you any of this.” I continue along the path. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to blow up at you likethat.”
“No, no. It was my bad. I didn’t mean to make it sound like you didn’t want to spend time with him. Just, the way you reacted when I said he would want to spend time with you was weird. Like you think he hates you orsomething.”
“Sometimes it feels like hedoes.”
“Eric, Ty doesn’t hateyou.”
As he says the words, they warm my heart. And I wish they were true, but I know better. I’ve seen that cross look from Ty—those eyes that seem to say as they look at me:Where were you all those years? Why weren’t you there for me?And they make me feel like I was just as shit at being a parent as my ownfather.
“I’m sorry. I really would prefer not to talk about this,” I spit out. “We can talk about any subject other than Ty, but let’s say I have my reasons why I’d like to avoidthis.”
“Fair enough,” Jessereplies.
I feel bad for shutting him down, but just because I want to bone him certainly doesn’t mean he’s entitled to know anything about the complicated circumstances behind my relationship with Ty. Plus, not like I need to say something to him that he can go blab about to Ty, maybe make this situation even more complicated than it alreadyis.
“We can talk aboutanything?” he asks. “What about analsex?”
I nearly trip, and I stop and turn back to him. He looks as surprised as when I snapped at him about Ty. “That’s what you want to talkabout?”
He looks a little flustered and smiles awkwardly…adorably awkwardly, his lips curling into his dimples as his eyes shimmer in the sunlight. “I have some questions, and I assume these are things you knowabout.”
I open my mouth like my body is urging me to respond, but I’mspeechless.
“Considering you’re the only reason I started asking these questions,” he says, “I’m pretty sure that means you would be the right person toask.”
I feel uncomfortable and aroused all atonce.
“I googled some things, and I looked at videos, and I even, like, tried to…” Jesse gestures with his hand, indicating he’s been fingering himself. He looks at my crotch. “Oh shit,sorry.”
“Well, that’s what happens when you talk about this stuff,” I say through my teeth, annoyed that he has this power overme.
“I mean, see, this is a great example of why I need to talk to someone.” He motions to my crotch. “That’s really big, and it seems like that should not fit in an asshole. That’s all I’msaying.”
My face twists up as I eye himcuriously.
Judging by the amusement in his expression, I can’t tell how serious he’s being. Is he genuinely curious or trying to make me horny? Maybeboth?
“That can definitely fit,” I assure him. “Have you watchedporn?”
“Obviously, but, like, it’s weird when you’re thinking about it in the context of your own butt, because I had my fingers back there, and I was working it a little bit, but I still couldn’t imagine that thingfitting.”
“You certainly didn’t seem like you were going to have a problem with that the othernight.”
“Well, I figured you weren’t going to, like, do anything that wasn’t physically possible. I was caught up in the moment,and…”
“It would fit just fine. And it would feelgood.”
