Ty laughs. “I figured you might havebeen.”
“What’sup?”
Despite his playfulness, there’s irritation in his expression. I wonder if it has anything to do with agreeing to the hikeearlier.
My motives weren’t entirely innocent when I pushed to go. Ty’s expressed, on plenty of occasions, that he doesn’t feel like Eric really cares about spending time with him. I can understand where he’s coming from. After all, Eric wasn’t in his life for the first sixteen years of it. And from what I know, they’ve tried to make it work, but there’s this discomfort lingering between them—one it seems they both want to bridge. So when I said I wanted to go hiking, really what I was saying was I wanted Ty and Eric to spend more time together. It’s a fucking miracle they’re even in the same place at the same time, and they should take advantage ofthat.
Some part of me…I know it has less to do with Ty and Eric and more to do with my own situation. How lucky I would feel to be able to meet one of my biological parents and talk to them. How there’s a part of me that desperately wishes I could hear from them. I’ve always had this stupid fantasy that they’d come running back into my life, and they’d say they were so sorry for leaving me, that they wished they’d kept me…or at least give me some incredible reason for why it was impossible for them to take me in at the time. But that’s a fantasy. I know the real reason: they didn’t want me. Simple asthat.
I wish I could come to terms with thefact.
And I honestly wonder if knowing the truth would set me at ease or make me feel even morerejected.
Maybe it’s better notknowing.
But Ty’s not in that situation. At least not anymore. He got the chance to meet his father and get some closure. And he was lucky. Eric hadn’t been in his life because Ty’s mom never told Eric about him. Eric didn’t have a chance to be in his life…not until much later. Not until Ty finally pushed to meethim.
For them, it’s more a matter of making up for lost time than anything else—something that hasn’t been as easy as meeting and catching up and putting the past behindthem.
“Oh, it’s work shit,” Ty says. “I was talking to Megan on our conference call, and we realized there’s this issue with one of our big accounts we’ve been handling. And it’s looking like a bit of aclusterfuck.”
“Oh shit. Everythingokay?”
“No, that’s the issue. We’re gonna try and get this resolved over the phone. I got Bernie in the office, trying to look for the files we need, but it’s gonna take some time, so I’m not gonna be able to go on thathike.”
Now I really feel for both Ty and Eric. Seems like the universe is fucking against them spending timetogether.
“Oh. Well, no, it’s fine,” I say. “You didn’t seem stoked about the hikeanyway.”
“Actually, it would kind of be doing me a favor if you could go on that hike with Eric forme.”
“What?”
“No, it’s just… I kind of need the place to myself while I’m dealing with this. It’d be easier if I wasn’t thinking of having either of you around and I could resolvethis.”
“Oh, I get what youmean.”
I don’t know that this is a good idea, considering I was just sticking my fingers up my ass, thinking about his father. However, if it’ll help him, I guess I should. Still, if I’m being honest with myself, I really want to spend more time with his dad. I want to get to know him, and I’m excited about having some more alone time together…so excited that I feel like a horribleperson.
12
Eric
Jesseand I keep quiet on the cab ride to the spot I’m taking him to hike—about forty minutes from mycondo.
I thought this would be a great opportunity to spend time with Ty, but frustrated as I am that his work got in the way, I understand. And I sure don’t mind getting to spend more time withJesse.
That’s greedy of me. I shouldn’t want it, not as much as I do. I’ve had to keep telling myself that again and again ever since I first laid eyes on him, though, and it can’t curtail mydesire.
When the cab drops us off, I lead Jesse to the trail cleared through thick, lush, green foliage. We dodge branches and crawl over a few capsized trees and piles ofrocks.
“This is kind of neat,” Jesse says once we’re about halfway along thetrail.
I turn and see the eagerness in his eyes. It reminds me of that same eagerness he had that night when we almost followed through with what would’ve been a horriblemistake.
“Tourists don’t really come out here much, so it’s only the locals that keep the path used and from being totally overrun by trees andbushes.”
A few moments pass before Jesse pipes up. “So…you have to admit, it was a little strange that this opportunity came up like this. I mean, to where it’s just the two of us on this hike because of that shit with Ty’s work. I’m sure you weren’t thinking you were going to be going on a hike with me when wemet.”
