Why did Kinzer sell himself short? How could he not see himself the way Quintz did?
“I do say so, and as I told you, I am very good at reading people. I have been doing this for a very long time, Kinzer. I know what vengeance looks like. I know what it looks like for an immortal to go after someone who has wronged him, but you seek something else—justice. Just like you did back at the university. You see the disparities. You see inequity. And you fight for what must be right. For what must be the only thing that matters.”
“You make it sound like I’ve really thought this through. I’m not some great philosopher, Quintz.”
“That’s what makes it so beautiful. You act on instinct. This inner desire for all this. Maybe that’s more important than all the pretty words immortals have written down for eons in hopes of understanding our feelings. Maybe it’s something we lost in the way we bowed to the Almighty’s logic, believing Him to be infallible. Believing Him to be right about everything.”
Kinzer snickered. “Oh, how far we have fallen.”
“I admire you, Kinzer,” Quintz said, and the way Kinzer’s brows pulled together, it was as if he’d noticed him for the first time.
“Admire me?”
“I find myself attracted to you in a very strange way.”
“Yes, I’ve noticed,” Kinzer said, his tone filled with amusement.
Surely he was thinking about his kinks.
“I didn’t mean only that,” Quintz added. “I meant in some other way that I can’t quite explain, in a very uncomfortable way. I felt it a very long time ago, and even more so now. I see your beauty.”
“You obviously had this image of me built up in your head that has nothing to do with me.”
“I think you don’t realize how special you are. Look at your life. You have found friends and allies everywhere you have turned.”
“I’ve also found enemies.”
“Enemies are easy to find, but you engender trust in people, which is far more difficult to do because you’re not hiding anything. Because you are trustworthy yourself.”
“That’s a weird thing to say about a spy who hides so much.”
“Yes, there’s intel you keep, but you are upfront, brazen, bold. You say what’s on your mind. Whereas most immortals learn through the eons that’s a sign of weakness. Put up a front, remain guarded.”
“I am plenty guarded.”
“Not in the same way as the rest of us. There’s something in your way, Kinzer, something in your manner that’s very different. I can’t quite put my finger on it.”
“I suggest you start by quitting with this whole trying to make it into something it’s not. I’m going to be honest with you. It’s making me a little uncomfortable.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make things uncomfortable. I just wanted to tell you that I do care, and I would be very interested in getting to know you more.”
Kinzer rolled his eyes. “I don’t think now is the time to be talking about getting to know each other more when we might not survive tomorrow.”
“That’s a fair point, but maybe that’s the perfect reason for us to live in reckless abandon. We can ignore what is right or wrong and stop thinking about what we should or shouldn’t feel. Let’s just be together and enjoy it as much as we can.”
“It’s a beautiful sentiment, Quintz.It’s very reasonable for you to say that, but I don’t have a reason to pretend about you any more than I do about anything else. It’s been fun. I’ve enjoyed everything we’ve shared, but at the end of the day fun is only fun.”
And Kinzer’s intentions were clear, or rather, his lack of intention for anything to happen between them. It hurt Quintz to his core. Because he did like Kinzer. He had met so many immortals throughout his existence, and never one such as him. Knowing that the interest wasn’t there pained him. He had thought—hoped—that he had found one who could ease his deep, profound loneliness. But once again, he was wrong.
Kinzer eyed him uneasily. “I wasn’t meaning to hurt you. I was being honest.”
“I wanted you to be honest,” Quintz said.
“I don’t know that you did,” Kinzer added, “but I think I should probably go sleep somewhere else tonight.”
“No, don’t.”
“After the conversation we just had, I think I have to.” Kinzer rolled out of bed and grabbed his jeans before heading out, leaving Quintz feeling humiliated, embarrassed—ashamed for telling him how he felt.
