***
Hayde sat on the back porch, gazing down the hill the cabin sat upon, looking at a pond, which rested in front of the forest they’d driven through to get to this place.
He hadn’t been able to sleep, not after Quintz and Kinzer had started fucking again. Those sounds of pleasure grated on his nerves. He hated Quintz for the ecstasy he could give Kinzer—the ecstasy Hayde was forbidden from giving him again.
Hayde scratched at his arm, digging his fingernails deep. He wanted to draw blood, wanted to hurt himself because he wanted the external pain to distract him from the other pain that ran so deep. Cut him to his core.
Since Kinzer and Hayde had shared that moment at Myor’s, he hadn’t been the same. It had felt so good to touch Kinzer’s body again, to be totally consumed with everything that he was. He had delighted in each touch, each kiss, as much as he could, but it had been cut short. And now all those delicious sensations reminded him of what he was missing out on—that hot fire they could ignite together.
Kinzer fucking knew…had told him…it was real, so why did Kinzer deny himself when he deserved so much pleasure, considering all he’d taken on. How could he manage when Hayde felt like he ached without his touch, without being in his gaze?
Hayde heard a sound behind him and turned to see Kinzer walking out the front door, shirtless and barefoot, his jeans hanging low so that Hayde could be tormented by Kinzer’s striking V that disappeared behind the denim waistband.
When Kinzer noticed Hayde, he stopped in his tracks.
“What are you doing out here?” Kinzer asked, his words harsh, almost threatening. That tone was so familiar to Hayde. His hurt, his rage.
Kinzer, can’t you see me—the real me? Can’t you see how much I care?
“Sorry,” Hayde said, pushing to his feet. “I needed fresh air. I wasn’t planning an escape or anything. I’ll head back to my room.”
“No, no. You don’t need to do that.” Kinzer approached and sat on the steps.
Hayde wasn’t sure what to do.
“You can sit back down, if you want,” Kinzer offered.
Hayde couldn’t figure out why Kinzer could have wanted to be there with him, but he sat down anyway, if only because he longed to remain close to him.
Silence stretched between them, but it didn’t feel awkward to Hayde. He enjoyed it, savored it. There was comfort in having Kinzer that close, but Kinzer interrupted it with a deep breath before saying, “Back at the Seredey Sanctuary, when you went in that pool to pull me up, why did you do that?”
He turned to Hayde, making direct eye contact, Kinzer’s face so beautiful as it glistened with moonlight.
Hayde wanted to look him in his eyes, stay lost in the gaze Kinzer was finally offering, but he feared Kinzer would sense the truth, so he turned away. “What do you mean?”
“You could have let Myor pull me up.”
“I told you, I’m trying to be allies with you now. That’s what allies do.”
“Is that it?” Kinzer asked, and Hayde couldn’t help but look at him that time. He could see so many questions in Kinzer’s expression—so many questions he couldn’t know the answers to.
“What else could it be?” Hayde asked.
“I don’t know, Hayde. But it was odd that you sat by my side that whole time, caring for me.”
“You were hardly conscious,” Hayde said, rolling his eyes.
“But every time I woke up, there you were.”
“You’ve saved my life more than once. It was the least I could do.”
Kinzer stared him down. What was he thinking? A tear stirred in his eyes before he asked, “Was it really so easy for you to kill her?”
Again, Hayde had to turn away from Kinzer, but Kinzer set his hand against Hayde’s face and forced him to turn to him.
“I deserve this,” Kinzer said.
“What do you fucking deserve?” Hayde shoved Kinzer’s hand away, but Kinzer grabbed his face again and forced him to look at him.
