“What?”
“Please, as if I haven’t been hating him ever since this started. Knowing he was getting to be with you and I wasn’t. I was pissed as fuck.”
“If you would have been honest with me—”
“Don’t, Kinzer. You weren’t there. You didn’t see how desperate she was when she asked me to keep that from you. And I really understood why she wanted me to keep that secret. You are such a fighter. Even when things are at their worst, at their most painful and unbearable, you keep on. But not everyone can do that.”
“She deserved better than that. She deserved—”
“No one deserves anything, Kinzer. We have what we fight for, and that’s all we get. You have this sense of justice in the universe…and we’re not like that. We don’t believe in any power that’s going to set anything right or balance anything out. There’s only everything that’s so fucked up about this universe, and that’s it.”
“Just because there’s not a god to set things right doesn’t mean we shouldn’t.”
Hayde’s brow rose. “Wow.”
“What?”
“That was really beautiful. I’m surprised you even have room for ideals after everything that’s happened to you.”
“I have to have something, I guess. Not that it’ll do anyone any good.”
“I wouldn’t sell yourself short now, Kinzer.”
Kinzer smirked, but it was more of a bitter amusement at his own life. “Yeah, I guess I haven’t done too bad for a laboring higherling.”
Hayde’s expression turned serious, like he didn’t appreciate the joke.
“You’ve never been a laboring higherling…or a fallen. Or a clipped.”
“Oh, really? Then what am I?”
“You’re a hero.”
Kinzer rolled his eyes.
“Don’t roll your eyes at that. It’s true. In a universe where so many are in it for themselves, you actually have principles, values…a sense of right and wrong. And you’re willing to fight for them.”
“I don’t think that makes anyone a hero. Just incredibly stupid.”
“Well, you do a good job of being both,” Hayde said with a wink.
Kinzer moved to Hayde again, not ashamed of how close he wanted to be to him, nor caring about Quintz’s feelings in that moment. The relief of everything that had been revealed had been overwhelming and had given him a chance at feeling ease and peace of mind amid all the chaos. Amid the insanity of the end of the world…of all worlds.
As Kinzer pressed his lips against Hayde’s, he found himself losing touch with reality once again. He slid his hand down Hayde’s pants, but then pulled away. “I say we fuck our way through the night since it might be our last.”
And Hayde didn’t disagree or resist, just unfastened his belt.
Kinzer was glad. Because that was all he wanted, all he needed—another long night with Hayde before they went out and fought what was likely to be their last battle. He didn’t believe they would win…could win. His reason told him it wasn’t possible, but it also told him, if they’d gotten as far as they had, maybe…just maybe…they could do this too.
