Mikey’s clearly trying to help her relax.
She pulls away from us and smiles. “Fair.”
I hear a car pull up the drive.
“That must be them,” she says.
She pulls away and looks into Mikey’s eyes. How can she not detect the tension and see how uneasy he is right now?
Every muscle in my body has tensed. I shouldn’t be this on edge, but I am. I don’t want Mikey to have to face that bastard or his asshole mother, not when they’re just going to be cold and inconsiderate of his feelings, not caring about what they did to him.
Kate leads us down the stairs, and Mikey soothes Roger as he starts to cry, surely sensing Mikey’s discomfort. As we reach the bottom of the stairs, Kate heads out the front door. Mikey turns to me, and as we look into each other’s eyes, it’s clear that in this moment, we’re allies.
He needs me right now, and I’m happy to be here for him.
“You guys are going to die when you see how great it all looks,” Kate says as she follows the concrete path to the driveway to meet them halfway.
Jordan’s Civic and his parents’ Audi Q5 are parked outside. Guess they followed him here.
“I did help out quite a bit,” Jordan says, adjusting the bill of his cap to the side as he makes his way to the house, “so you gotta give me some credit.” He winks at us. “Let me see my little, most adorable nephew in the world!” He skips up the steps of the front porch, ignoring us for Roger. “Hey there, little guy.” Roger’s still fussing a little. “What did the evil Uncle Mikey do to you this time?”
“Whatever. Here. Why don’t you be the grown-up for five seconds?” Mikey suggests, handing him over.
I know why he’s really doing it, though. Roger’s sensing his uneasiness, and it’s only going to get worse the longer they’re here.
Jordan takes Roger and cradles him. “Buddy, how’s it going? You miss me?”
He rocks Roger in his arms while Kate leads Dara and Kirk inside. I offer the greetings I know they expect before she gives them a tour. Jordan takes Roger up into his room to play with him, and Mikey slips out the front door.
I figure he wants to get away to keep from blowing Kate’s big day. I don’t know if I should, but I follow him outside around to the backyard.
He turns and sees me coming toward him. “I was kind of hoping you were following,” he says.
“Are you okay?” He shrugs. “You can shrug with Jordan and Kate all day, but you don’t have to do that with me. I’m here for you, you know that.”
“I really do, Scott. Thank you.” He glances over at the back of the house where we replaced all the siding. “We did good. We did really good, didn’t we? I know I haven't been the easiest to deal with these past few days, but I don’t want you to think for one moment that I haven’t appreciated everything you’ve done.”
“You've been fine. You didn't do anything wrong.”
“Neither did you. And I'm sorry if I've made you feel like you did just for feeling the way you feel.”
“Thank you for saying that.”
This conversation reminds me of how hard it's going to be when he finally leaves.
He's too good of a guy to be hurt by me. He'll find somebody, though—some hot guy in Los Angeles who is as hypersexual as he is and can keep up with him the way I have. They'll have fun, probably even more fun than we’ve had. I have to stop thinking about that because it's driving me crazy and filling me with jealousy, which I don’t have a right to feel.
36
Scott and I head in through the back door into the kitchen. Kate, Mom, and Dad are chatting by the cabinets. Kate’s eyes are still lit up with excitement, but Dara and Kirk’s gazes shift our way.
I can tell, as I always can, how uncomfortable they are about me being here.
I usually feel like I’m on my own when I see them, like it’s me and the rest of the family, but not today. Today I have Scott, and he can’t know, but having someone here who knows about what really happened, who’s on my side, that means so much to me.
I don’t feel so alone.
I’ve been bitter after what he told me the other night, but I know he’s a good person, and I meant what I said when I told him it’s not his fault for not wanting to be with me like that. I’ve been a little bit like a kindergartener being told he couldn’t play with his favorite toy. Not that he’s just a toy to me, but it feels cruel for him to deprive me of something that’s been so life-giving. It’s as if he told me he wasn’t going to let me breathe oxygen anymore.
