“That sounds good,” I tell him. “I'll see you tomorrow.”
He heads off, and I get ready for bed, feeling so alone in this house that brought me so much companionship and joy. I keep cursing Scott as my rage twists in knots within me. This is what happens when you let yourself care about someone—something I've rarely let myself do outside of Jordan, Kate, and Roger. This is why I don't let myself get attached. Why my life has just been a series of one-night stands, because I know what it's like to be betrayed. I know what it's like when the love that I thought I was being showered with is suddenly withheld from me. It takes me back to when I was eleven years old confronting my mother, telling her what I thought she needed to know, expecting love—and instead getting anger and bitterness and blame.
It feels lonely, so fucking lonely.
35
It's the big day.
Kate finally gets to move into her home. She’s all smiles as we walk her around the house, showing her the finished work. It reminds me of when I sent the final proof of an image I’ve been working on to a client.
The sleeves of her light-blue blouse are rolled up to her elbows as she rests Roger against her shoulder. “Oh, my God, it’s perfect!” she exclaims as we walk her through the kitchen to show her the fixed ceiling and cabinets. Roger squirms as he tries to spin around to look. “You want to see, honey?” she asks.
“Here, I’ve got him.” Mikey takes him from her.
“Thank you.”
“I want you to enjoy the house while you can. You have plenty of time to carry him around this place in the near future.”
“Don’t I know it.”
“Hey, fella,” he says, and all I can think of is that night he told me he wants kids.
I'm gonna miss this project we shared. I’ll miss him.
Since we talked about not trying to make this work long distance, we haven’t hooked up. We finished up the house and the baby room just as friends. I can tell I hurt Mikey because he wanted us to take things further, and it isn’t that I didn’t want to, but I would never ask him to do that. He’s a hot item, and he can get any guy or girl he wants; I’m not going to hold up his sexual needs because he’s got some crush on me.
I’m not holding him back from finding someone better and more interesting than me once he’s back in LA.
And even though it hurts getting the cold shoulder from him, I know it’s for the best. It doesn’t keep me from missing the fuck sessions and hating that the last time we fucked might really have been the last. If he knew how much it hurt depriving me of that, I don’t know how he could keep doing it to me, but it’s his right to be upset.
“I hope you don't mind that I invited Mom and Dad,” Kate says. “They’ve been here for me for the past few months, and it's all finished and perfect, and when Mom asked, I wasn’t going to say no.”
“I understand,” Mikey tells her, but the thought makes me tense up now that I know the truth behind his anger, about what those fuckers did to him. “I can take them being here for a little while. But I at least want to show you this before they arrive.”
After we’ve shown her the rest of the changes downstairs, we lead her up the stairs to the second floor. Despite the tension that's lingered between Mikey and I, even as we've set up the baby room, there were still fun moments. We’ve still been playful, teasing each other about fucking picking out kid’s clothes and toys together. And even though the changes to the house are great, this is what I’m really excited about. I can just imagine the look in Kate's eyes when she sees the room for the first time.
With Roger still in his arms, Mikey opens the door for Kate.
She puts her hands to her face and releases a shrill cry before she rushes into the room, glancing around at the crib with the star-themed mobile. Stuffed animals are piled around the panda I won for Mikey, and beside them, there’s a bookshelf Mikey made with some of the scraps from the renovation. We’ve stuffed the shelves with picture books we purchased at the local Goodwill.
And of course, the walls are that orange that Mikey picked out.
“You guys,” she says. “You shouldn't have done this. This is too much.”
“Nothing is too much for you, little sis.”
Tears stir in her eyes. “I don't know how I'm ever going to repay you guys for this.”
“That's not what this was about. This room was a gift for you. We did it because you deserve this after everything you've been through. To start your new life over in the house of your dreams.”
“Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.” She bursts into tears.
“Oh, come here.” Mikey hugs her as she cries into his shoulder. “Get over here right now, Scott.”
As I move close, she hooks an arm around me and pulls me in for a group hug. “You guys are just too incredible. This whole thing was too much, and I'm just—”
“You can repay us all when you take us out to dinner. And drinks are on you. Fair?”
