“I’m still here, aren’t I? I do always run, but you’ve given mea reason to stay. I can prove to you that I’m strong enough for this. After allthat we’ve shared, are you really willing to just walk away from this?”
He looks into my eyes, and without hesitation says, “Yes.”
It’s like when he punched me that night when I woke him up fromhis bad dream.
I’m stunned. In shock.
And so hurt.
It’s like his response was designed to hurt me, and the shock ofhis words unleashes my own defenses: “You’re a fucking asshole.”
I hurry past him, tears welling in my eyes. I don’t want him tosee how he’s affected me. I need to get out of here.
I head into the bedroom, throw the letter from Reese’s ex-wifeon the bed, and collect my clothes from the closet and the dresser beforeplacing them on the mattress beside it.
It feels worse than when Kyle cheated on me. Maybe because I wasstupid enough to let someone back in. Opened myself up to be hurt like that.
I keep waiting for him to come in and apologize. To say thathe’s sorry. But the man out there isn’t the man I thought I was falling for.
How could he say that? How could he throw us away?
I want to believe it’s just this breakdown he’s having, but Ican’t.
Maybe he wasn’t even dwelling on the war. Maybe he was justsitting in there, stewing over us and how he realized I’m not the man he wantsto be with.
After I grab some of my belongings from the bathroom, I collectmy clothes in one big scoop off the bed and head back into the living room.
Reese sits on the couch, facing away from me.
Doesn’t even have the balls to face me after what a dick he justwas.
I think about saying goodbye to him, but that’s more than hedeserves from me now.
I head out the door, but something stops me. “Goodbye, Reese,” Isay, not because I want to, but because I have to. Because I need the closure.
I leave, and the moment I close the door behind me, the tearsflow freely.
I hurry to the car and throw my stuff inside.
None of this feels real. How could we have spent so much timetogether, gotten so far, for it to end like this?
How could we have gotten so far for it all to come crashing downin a day?
It doesn’t matter. I just have to get out of here. I have to getfar away. I have to leave all this behind and forget all about Reese.
Even though I know I never really will.
I burst into tears and collapse onto the steering wheel.
I fucking love him. How could he do this to me? Why doesn’t hewant to be with me?
37
Reese
What have I done?
The physical pain I’m experiencing is more acute than ever.
