He fucks me even harder, and it’s too late for me because I spewonto my stomach just as I feel him twist with that movement that lets me knowhe’s coming too.
I shake my head back and forth as come continues rushing out ofmy dick. Heat fills my cheeks, and I lose myself in the intensity of the experience.We pant and sweat as we fall together from our climaxes.
After we clean up, rinse off, and dispose of the condom, wecrawl back into bed. His arms around me and mine around him, we gaze into eachother’s eyes.
He beams.
A sweet sensation fills me, and I imagine many more nights likethis with him.
It’s a safe feeling. It assures me that it’s safe for me tosettle down. Like I don’t have to spend the rest of my life running.
Could this really work? Could I get to enjoy being with Reesefor so much longer? It’s a thought I wouldn’t normally allow myself to have,but one that excites me. I want to be with him. I want to have so many morenights like this. And for the first time in a very long time, a calm sensationsweeps through me. That look in his eyes seems to be appreciating me as much asI’m appreciating him.
I care so much for him. More than I’ve ever cared for anotherguy.
The wordlovekeeps running through my mind, but itscares me, too. It’s too soon for me to be feeling anything more than lust.What I’m feeling is just an illusion...like I’ve felt with other guys I thoughtthere might be a future with. I’ve never had this before, so it’s just morethan I’m used to.
But could it become that? The more time we spend together, couldI get to the place where I feel that way for him…I know if there’s anyone Icould feel that way about, it’s Reese.
“Jay,” he says softly.
And by the way he looks at me, it’s as though he’s about to saywhat I’m thinking. And I want him to. I want to know that I’m not alone inthis.
He starts, but stops himself. His gaze travels over my facebefore he says, “That was hot as hell.”
Disappointment rushes through me.
I shouldn’t be disappointed. Not after what we just shared. Notafter what I just felt.
But I can’t help it. As much as Reese has given me, I want more.So much more. I’ll settle for what we have right now, though. We have all thetime in the world to get to know each other. For what we feel to strengthen.
35
Reese
Being with Jay has been a dream.
He’s given me something I didn’t think I’d ever feel again:peace of mind.
Being with him relaxes my thoughts and every part of my body.Eight years ago, I never would have thought I would reach this place. That Icould feel like I did before the world showed me just how dark and cruel itcould be. With Jay, I feel secure—like at least in the moments we sharetogether, I can allow myself to enjoy pleasure. I don’t have to live in worryand paranoia.
The other night, I wanted to tell him how much I care about him.As I gazed into his beautiful eyes, thinking he looked adorable as fuck withthe way a stray lock of his hair curled down across his forehead, I wanted totell him just how much he means to me. I caught myself before I did, though.Reminded myself that words like those don’t have to come yet.
We have plenty of time.
Tonight we’re heading to the Louis C.K. show, something I’mexcited about sharing with him. I’m so pleased I was able to give him a presenthe really wants—one that can take us out of the mundane world we deal with on adaily basis.
We need an escape.
I head up the driveway after a long day at the factory. Jay’srunning by the store to pick up some condoms and lube since last night wediscovered we’re running low. I told him to make sure he bought a twenty-fourpack because at the rate we’re going, we need it.
I retrieve my keys from my pocket.
“Reese!”
The loud, boisterous voice jolts me so much I drop my keys.
I’m on edge in an instant, my body filled with tension. Theblood in my face drains. The joy I was experiencing vanishes.
