My thoughts crowd with flashes.
Running through streets, avoiding gunfire.
Bombs going off.
The insurgent coming into the room after the IED went off. Ifeel the need to protect Caleb, Drake, and myself.
I turn and see someone coming at me and jump forward.
The man backs away quickly, throwing his hands up before him.
It’s Damon.
My fucking neighbor.
Shit. Calm the fuck down! Act cool.
Sweat beads across my forehead. My body quakes with an intensitythat’s concerning as a sharp pain pushes into my chest. Makes me feel like I’mabout to have a heart attack.
It’s a familiar sensation—one I know all too well.
I keep trying to calm myself, but I know there’s no use.
“Hey, man,” he says. He looks completely non-threatening in hislight blue scrubs. He works as a physician assistant at the hospital downtown.“Everything okay? Jesus, I didn’t think I would scare you like that, but you’rewhite as a ghost.”
“Sorry, Damon.”
He doesn’t normally come over like this. I’ll typically only seehim on weekends when I’m mowing the lawn or doing yard work.
I kneel down and pick up my keys, hoping the action willdistract me and keep him from picking up on my strange behavior. As I standback up, he holds out a letter.
“This was in my mail today,” he says, passing it to me.
I take it quickly. He tenses up. I can tell he’s surprised byhow I snatched it away.
“Sorry about the way I’m acting,” I say. “I’m just a little onedge. There was a lot going on at the factory.”
“Not an issue, bud,” he says, but it’s obvious by the look hegives me that he doesn’t think anything that happened at work can account forhow I’m behaving.
“Thanks for bringing it over.”
“Yeah. And you know, if you and your friend want to swing by fordinner one night, you know you’re more than welcome.”
I can tell by the look in his eyes that he knows what we are,and that’s the sweetest thing he could have said. “Thanks, Damon.”
He grins and says, “Catch you later.” He starts like he’s about topat my shoulder, but stops himself. He must sense that that’s too much for me.
I take deep breaths. I try to remember all the processes thatLaura’s taught me over the years, but my desperation to soothe myself in thismoment only makes it even worse.
I can’t be like this on such an important night.
I count my breaths, but it just makes me hyper-aware of how muchI’m shaking right now.
I want to fall down, curl into a ball, and disappear.
When I get inside, I lock the door and drop to my knees.
My chest tightens even more. The pressure is frightening. I canfeel my fucking heartbeat. It’s fast. Like my heart’s about to pop out of myfucking chest.
