“And it obviously has something to do with your attraction toguys and girls. Like some weird hybrid thing.”
“Maybe, but I don’t really think so. It’s just hot.”
His face is scrunched up like he’s disgusted with me. And now Ifeel self-conscious about something that I thought was just good, hot fun.“Stop overthinking that one thing.”
“One thing? You have to admit the underwear fetish is kindaweird. And I thought it was strange already, but now that I know you’re intogirls too, what am I supposed to think about that?”
“Would it have changed anything if you’d known about it thatnight?”
“I don’t think I’d have been as willing to go along with it ifI’d thought you were thinking of me as a girl while I was in those.”
“I wasn’t thinking about you as a girl. I was sharing this withyou because I thought you would want to know that I was married. I didn’t thinkyou’d care about me having been with women before.”
“Well, I do. How am I supposed to satisfy that need? I don’thave that. I will never have that, and if that’s something you want.”
“That doesn’t even make any sense.”
“How does it not make sense?”
“Have you never been with a bi guy before?”
“No.”
“Well, it’s not like I need both at the same time. It’s not anydifferent than if I was a gay guy. Just because I might be attracted to maybefit and twinky guys, wouldn’t mean I would need to be with both. I can be withjust one person.”
His shoulders relax, but he eyes me apprehensively. “You don’tthink the thong fetish might be connected in some strange way?” he presses.
“Even if it is, who gives a shit? You’re my boyfriend.”
“Okay, okay. I just have to process it. Give me a minute. That’sa weird-ass thing to hear.”
“That’s fine. I get that, but you do realize that nothing’schanged between us because of it.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
He runs his hands through his short brown hair, taking a breathlike he’s still struggling with it more than I feel like he should be. Ifigured he’d think it was weird that I’d been married, not that I enjoyedfucking girls. I wonder if this has something to do with his fear of guyscheating on him. Maybe he suddenly just realized that I could cheat on him withso many more people than before—and now on top of his worry about cheating, hehas to worry that he won’t be able to satisfy my desire to be with a woman.It’s a wildly misguided assumption, considering if I was gay, I’d be just aslikely to want to have sex with other guys as a bi guy who wants to have sexwith guys and girls, but I figure once he calms down, he’ll be more rationalabout this.
32
Jay
Now I realize why Reese thought it was so important to come overhere today.
We’ve been playing house together, but there are things we stilldon’t know about each other.
I thought, based on some of what we’d shared, we were open aboutso many things, but after the bomb he just dropped, I realize there’s a wholelot I still don’t know about Reese.
Married to a woman? I’ve known plenty of guys who were marriedbefore they came out, but most of them haven’t identified as bi. They were justtrying to fit in. Reese, on the other hand, could fuck guys or girls. How hasthat never come up before? I guess I didn’t give a shit what gender he wasattracted to…just that he was attracted to me. But what the fuck?
It’s not particularly a bad thing, but I don’t get it. It’snever been the way that I felt, so it’s hard for me to relate. And whether ornot he wants to admit it, I don’t think it’s an accident that he happens tolike fucking girls and wanted to fuck me while I was wearing the thong.
He enjoyed it so much. I would have put it on again just becauseof how hot it was, but now I’m so fucking confused because I feel like I’m witha stranger. At least, someone I don’t know as well as I thought I did.
On the drive back to his place, I’m quiet. Questions keepamassing in my brain, crowding each other, fighting for me to decide which onesare most important and which ones need to be asked first.
“So you loved this woman?”
“Her name’s Melanie,” he says. “And I did love her.”
