“Who did you hurt like this?” Because I know that’s what this isreally about.
“Someone I loved. Someone who loved me. Someone who it was toomuch for.”
“Well, it’s not going to be too much for me,” I insist, though Ican tell he doesn’t believe me. That he’s still scared. “You gotta give us achance, Reese. I’ve got my reasons for being scared it won’t work and so doyou, but I care about this and so do you.”
“I know. I am trying, but as we both get more invested in this,that’s what keeps playing on my mind.”
“Well then maybe you need to fill your mind with sexier things,”I tease, and he chuckles.
“All those comedy shows really come in handy, don’t they?”
“Sometimes. And when they don’t, I can just put on somethingsexy and distract you that way.”
His gaze sharpens. Something about what I said stirred athought.
“What?” I ask. “Do you have something you’d want me to wear? Ajockstrap, maybe?”
He rolls his eyes. “Nothing. No.”
But I can tell by the way he says it that he isn’t being honest.Now I’m curious, but I let it slide.
We finish our frozen yogurt before heading back to the house,some Louis C.K. diffusing the tension from the conversation we had about hisPTSD. When we get back to his place, we wind up on the bed, making out. We lieon our sides, groping each other’s bodies.
“Tell me…what you…want, Reese,” I say between kisses. I’mthinking about that look he had when I mentioned me wearing something sexy.
“You,” he replies.
“Good answer, but no. Tell me your fantasy. I saw that look whenI talked about wearing something sexy. What is it? What can I do to serve you?”
I feel so close to him right now. All I want is to fulfill hisdesires. To make him happy the way he’s made me happy.
He pulls away and glances me up and down like he’s itching tosay something to me. I’m intrigued.
“I just want to make my boyfriend happy,” I say. “The sex wehave is great, but I mean, we all have little kinks. Things we don’t typicallydisclose right away. I want to know what yours are. I want to get to knowyou…in every possible way.”
I see something in his gaze that suggests he’s got a good kinkhe’s eager to explore.
“What?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “Nothing.”
“That obviously wasn’t a nothing. What do you want?”
He hesitates before saying, “There is one thing I’d be curiousto try out.”
“What is it? Water sports? Roman showers?”
He cringes. “Oh, God no. Nothing like that.”
“Just show me, then,” I say slowly, hoping he can tell just howgame I am to explore his fantasy with him. “And I’ll show you how good I can beto my boyfriend.”
25
Reese
We shower up together and brush our teeth. I told him I’d showhim after we cleaned off, but I can’t believe I’m even considering this. He won’tfucking understand. Who the hell would? God, this is what I get for watching somuch porn. I knew when I stumbled across my little fetish that it was wrong,but I can’t deny that it’d be hot as hell if Jay was game. But I think he’sjust going to call me a freak and wig out about it.
I shouldn’t show him this, but I want to explore it with Jay. Iwant to take him in the way I crave. In the way I hunger for.
