I relax as we prepare dinner together. We share tender kissesduring each phase—kisses that remind me that we’ve come a long way from justfucking. What we have now means more, so it’s not ridiculous for me to assumethat we should be able to take things further.
We sit down to eat, enjoying our creation as we chat about workand what movie we want to watch tonight.
Movies. Homemade dinners. Wonderful as they are, they aren’twhat I’m reaching for.
While he talks about his day, I build up the courage to finallyget this off my chest: “I was thinking maybe we could go out to see a movie.”Tension rises within me. I’m more nervous about bringing this up than I thoughtI’d be.
“Like, out?” he asks, eyeing me, not like he’s excited to sharean experience, but like he’s worried someone will catch us and make our worklife harder.
“Um…just like, whatever. You know, the way normal people who arestarting to see each other do.”
I see the hesitation in his expression. He clearly isn’t a fanof the idea.
I suddenly feel rejected. “I mean, you have to admit that what’sgoing on here is more than fucking.”
“Of course. It definitely is, Jay. I know that. I really likeyou.”
“Then a date is the next logical step.”
His gaze shifts about. “Isn’t that what this is?” he asks.
“I want to like actually do things with you. You know, out inthe real world…like everyone else does.”
He’s quiet.
“What?” I ask. “Am I just your office secret?”
“No. That’s not it.”
“Am I not the kind of guy you want to be seen with?”
“That’s not it at all. Jay, it’s just complicated because ofwork. You know that.”
“Then I can get another job, so we don’t violate some companypolicy or whatever.”
“Oh, don’t be ridiculous. It’s not that serious. We have twosupervisors who are now married to people in their chain of command. People theymet while they were working with the company. We’d just have to fill out somepaperwork with HR.”
“Then why can’t we do that?”
“Because it’s not just about the company policy. People aren’tgoing to respect me when—”
“When they realize you’re a faggot? Is that what you’re worriedabout?”
He sighs, picks his napkin up from his lap, and sets it on thetable.
“That’s what this is about,” I continue. “You like that no oneat work really asks about your love life. That you can keep a distance fromthem. And you think that if they think some fairy is running things, they’llstart getting in your face and not respecting you. Admit it.”
“It’s not like you’re running around telling people that you’regay.”
“ButI’m not scared of letting people know that I like you, either.”
Istare right at him, but he avoids looking at me. He knows I’m right.
23
Reese
Why is he being like this?
