Forty-Five
Tad
Frozen. Lifeless.
That’s what I look like on the TVscreen as we reach my cringe-worthy response to Kira’s question about Mom.
“Tad’s boyfriend and bodyguard,Bryce O’Riley,” Kira says, “decides to intervene when this question becomes toomuch for Tad.”
Bryce walks on screen and helps meto my feet.
Kiernan, Darren, and Bryce sit onthe couch adjacent to the cushioned chair I sit in. I shake my leg vigorouslyas my anxiety intensifies. Kiernan looked sick before we left for theinterview, but now his face is white as a ghost’s.
“But what happened to Tad Roarke’smother?” Kira continues in a voiceover as the camera turns to show Bryce and Darrenescorting me out of the room. The shot cuts back to her.
“Kiernan Roarke met Ariel Rogan in1993 at the University of Texas, where she studied finance while Kiernan Roarkepursued a degree in marketing. In 1994, Ariel and Kiernan Roarke were married,and six months later, she gave birth to sports icon Tad Roarke. Eight yearslater, Ariel filed for divorce and left to live in Washington, where she followedspiritual guru Judy Kline—a woman who claims she speaks for the dead. Duringher time with this guru, Ariel changed her name to Beth Rogan, taking her deceasedmother’s name as her own.
“We recently discovered Ariel’swhereabouts after Henry Mason’s interview with Tad Roarke. After he posted apicture of Roarke’s mother on his website, a woman contacted us, claiming she rememberedAriel Roarke attending group meditation sessions with her. Our follow-upinvestigation revealed the answer to the mystery of what really happened to thestar football player’s mother. And now, the question is: how much did Tad andhis father know about her disappearance? And why have they spent years tryingto cover it up?”
A burning sensation stirs in mychest as my fury—at Mom, at Kiernan, at the media—climbs until I snap.
“Call Debra!” I shout to Darren. Hedials the number and hands the phone to me quickly.
Bryce, Darren, and Kiernan look atme like I’ve lost my mind. And maybe I have. This moment might’ve been too muchfor me to maintain my sanity through.
The phone rings until I reachDebra’s voicemail. “Debra, if you want to have a job tomorrow, I suggest youget on the fastest direct flight to New York you can find. Call me as soon asyou fucking get this.”
“Tad, Steph is—” Kiernan begins.
“I don’t need Stephanie right now.I need Debra. She’s the only one who can get us out of this insane fucked-upbullshit. How the fuck can this be happening? Did you know this?”
The knowing look in Kiernan’s eyesassures me that he at least knows more than he’s ever told me.
“What the fuck do you know?”
He rises from the couch, raisinghis hands before him, as he should, because I’m about five seconds from losingmy shit. He looks more intimidated by me than I’ve ever seen him, and I’m notsure if it’s because of this discovery or his weakness from being sick.
“She always read these weird books,”he says. “Ghosts, aliens, mysticism. It was just a quirky thing she did when wemet. She was raised Catholic, and I figured she was just really into religiousshit. When she got worse, she read more and more of those books. She’d stock upat the bookstore. They made her feel better. Gave her something to get excitedabout, so I figured it was better than her always being down. Then she justkept on about this one lady, Judy Kline. Said she wanted us to go see her. Iwasn’t interested, but she kept on about it. One day she said she wanted adivorce and that she was going to stay on this woman’s compound in Washington.”
“And you let her?”
“How the fuck was I supposed tostop her? She’d given up on everything. Me, you…I’d done everything I could.”
Though his guilty expression leadsme to believe he wishes he’d done more.
“Well, a lot of good that womandid her,” I say.
“If you knew how many times shetried to end her life, you wouldn’t be surprised either.”
“And when the fuck were you goingto tell me about this? Huh? You let me go all these years assuming Mom justhated me and ran off?”
“I never made you feel that way,”he says, his anger matching mine. He turns his head and coughs into his arm.
“Yes, you did!”
“What the fuck am I supposed tosay about all this? What do you want me to say?”
“I want you to admit that you werehappy when she finally left. When you were free from having to deal with heranymore.”
