When I hang up with Roeder,Kiernan hands me my rum and Coke, which I take a few gulps from before taking abreather and saying, “Looks like we’re sticking to the plan.”
Tad and Kiernan both look at me,sadness in their eyes. I can tell they aren’t eager to keep this going any morethan I am. We’d all feel better if we could drop this crazy act, but I guess sincewe’ve come this far, we might as well see this through to the end.
Thirty-Four
Tad
I order another margarita from a waiter who stands before my,Bryce’s, and Darren’s lounge chairs. Sunlight creates bamboo umbrella shadowsacross the cement pool deck of the resort Kiernan booked to give me a weekendescape. Despite the doctor stating there were no serious injuries from thegunshot, Mally and several of our major sponsors agreed that at least a weekendoff would give the public some assurance that I was attempting to work on myhealth before jumping back into the game. I’m not thrilled to be missing our gameagainst the Panthers, considering it will determine our placement within the NFCdivision. Right now, we’re tied with the Giants at 10-5. How both of our teamsplay this weekend is critical to where we fall in the playoffs. However,considering everything that’s happened, a relaxing Hawaiian vacation doesn’tsound like the worst way to spend the weekend. And a little time off actuallysounds nice. The way Kiernan went on about it, I could tell he thought thiswould devastate me. Just shows how little he understands me these days. Plus, Idon’t have to worry about the ad campaigns. In fact, this new story has givenus leverage, according to Debra. Everyone wants to be associated with TadRoarke: the victim of anti-gay zealots. How quickly the tide turns. One day,I’m on top. The next, I’m the scum of the earth. And now I’m a hero.
Lovely as Kauai’s been, havingBryce follow me around like this, being in the tabloids and on gossip blogs ashis partner, reminds me of the grand illusion we’re perpetuating. So manypeople are having fun running wild with memes of the picture of us kissing atthe stadium. They like the idea of us being a couple. If only they knew justhow lonely the nights were. I miss watching movies with him. Not to mention ourfuck sessions. I need to move on, but being forced to keep up this act isn’tgoing to help me with that any.
Bryce and Darren lounge beside me,their sunglasses shimmering in the afternoon light. Beads of sweat form acrosstheir beautifully sculpted bodies. Bryce wears a blue box-cut swimsuit, his abscompressing as he sits up in his chair, reminding me that he must take time towork out to keep those abs as tight as his protruding chest. Darren sits on theother side of him, in a bright red speedo, his hand resting over his head. Withhis earbuds in, he shakes his foot lightly to a beat.
The sound of laughter comes fromthe other side of me, and I turn to a group of guys who are clustered around atable beside the pool. In their own speedos, one in a rainbow design, I’mconfident they’d be interested if I made a go for one of them. It would be agreat opportunity to move on. To get Bryce out of my fucking head. But as muchas I use that as my justification, I really just want an opportunity to makeBryce jealous. Make him realize what he’s missing as long as he doesn’t want togo back to the way things were.
It’s a wicked, irresistiblethought. I know he has a job to do, but that he can so easily walk away fromwhat we had hurts.
“Well, look at those hotties,” Isay.
Bryce leans forward a little,checking them out. His expression doesn’t change.
“You thinking about pursuingsomething?” he asks with a smirk, as if he doesn’t believe I would.
Not even a little jealous?
I’m pissed, but mostly that I’mbothered by his disinterest.
“I think I’m gonna go in,” I say.
“Good luck. Let me know if one ofthem pulls a gun on you.”
Fucking asshole. I’ll fuck one ofthese guys just to spite him. Just so that he’ll have to come back to the hoteland sit in his adjoining room while I’m busy getting it on with whichever ofthese guys I manage to nab. I’d be well within my right. After all, Bryce and Iaren’t anything. Just two guys who used to fuck. At least, that’s the way he’smaking it seem. And considering everything that’s happened and that he stillhasn’t caved to his interest, I doubt there will ever be anything more thanthat for him.
Thirty-Five
Bryce
He approaches a nearby table that’s packed with several guyswho just sat down a few minutes ago. With their perfectly selected outfits andbeautiful tans, a few with rainbow badges on their bags, Tad didn’t have anissue singling out the gayest pack around. They seem harmless enough, and Idoubt he’ll go far, considering they seem like the type who’ll play around inthe pool and maybe back at Tad’s place. Although one of them heading back tohis place is what I’m worried about. I’d love to pretend, like I’ve been doingfor the past few days, that I can just let Tad live his life withoutinterference on my end, but truth is, as he poses before those guys, clearlystressing his impressive physique—and the guys look on with interest—I’mirritated. Not just irritated. I want to punch him in his fucking face for evenconsidering being with other guys. Knowing we shouldn’t be getting involved doesn’tkeep me from wanting him. Wanting to go back to those nights where we held eachother close. To where we laughed. To where we teased.
I should be thrilled that he’smoving on. That he’s considering other guys, but something in me refuses to acceptthat there can’t be anything more between us.
“Duty calling?” Darren asks,lowering his sunglasses and giving me a seductive glance. I can tell he’ssensed my irritation with Tad.
“And here I was enjoying a freevacation in Hawaii,” I joke. Although, despite the pleasurable aspects, I can’tescape my awareness that there are two new agents keeping an eye on us fromnearby rooms just in case.
“Yup,” Darren says. “That’s prettymuch how I feel most of my life. I figure, if I’m lucky, I have about fifteenminutes before I have to fetch condoms and lube for him.”
A lump forms in my throat. Itshouldn’t get to me like this.
I notice some of the other resortguests taking pictures of Tad with their iPhones. “He better be careful,” Isay. “Debra’ll be pissed if he isn’t discreet and winds up reversing all thisgood press he’s finally managed to get.”
Darren’s expression turns serious.“Oh shit. I didn’t even think about that.”
I doubt I would have thought of itif I wasn’t desperately looking for an excuse for him not to do anything withthese guys.
I hear a splash and turn as Tadstands in the pool and runs his hands across his face and through his hair, watercascading down his abs. He whirls around as two other guys who’d been sittingat the table ascend from the water, standing on either side of him. They lookthrilled to have an opportunity to hang with one of the most popular athletesin the country.
Tad says something to the tallerof the two, who wears a bright green speedo.
