“After his parents left he cupped my face, leaned in...”
“Oh, this is so romantic, I can’t handle. Then what happened?”
“And then he stopped. Pulled back.”
“Oh no. Why?”
“Because I didn’t say I wanted it. And for orcs, that obviously matters one thousand times more than it does for a human. He warned me, if we touch that way, it’s... permanent for him and he’d bond completely. And if I left him after that...”
“He’d be devastated. Broken, maybe.”
“Yes.”
Ellie is quiet for a moment, then she replies, “For a time there, I was in the same bed as Garlen. And he kept himself chained even then, in order to not touch me until he felt he was ready. Until I was ready. The Irontrees are very serious about acting modern. About not being with their female until she’s truly ready and they’re able to remain sane and wait for consent.”
“I appreciate it,” I say. “I really do. But also...”
“The waiting is torture?”
“It really, really is. I wish we could just date and have a fling and see where it goes. But even one kiss with Keric means I’m basically marrying him with no divorce. That’s a lot of pressure.”
She laughs, warm and understanding. “I remember. Trust me, I remember. There were nights I thought I’d lose my mind, lying next to Garlen while he was in chains, knowing we couldn’t... but also knowing that he was doing it because he respected me. Because my consent mattered more than his desire.”
“That’s exactly it,” I whisper. “It’s the most romantic and most frustrating thing anyone has ever done for me.”
“That’s orc love for you.”
“Also, I need to respect him enough to not tease him. I can’t hurt him by starting something with him that I might not follow through on. And what if I became pregnant and then wanted to leave? What a mess.”
“Exactly,” Ellie responds. “It’s almost worse for you because you’re in the actual commune. That’s another layer of big decision that I didn’t have.”
I look down at Dinah, who has fallen asleep in my lap, completely unbothered by my existential crisis. “The other Brides told me it doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. I could split time between here and the human world. I could even teachonline. They pointed out it was possible to build a life with Keric without giving up everything.”
“That’s good to know.”
“Miranda said Keric might even be willing to live in California part-time, since Garlen’s already there, establishing things.”
“We could be near each other still,” Ellie says, and I can hear hope in her voice. “I’d love that. Zoe asks about you constantly.”
My heart squeezes. “I miss Zoe and I miss you, and I’m going to miss being there with my students when they get back from spring break. I want you to know that the life I created in Truckee was very real to me. You knew me by a different last name and a made up past, but I said all of that for your protection. But while I was at Black Oak, that was probably the first time I was allowing myself to be most like the real me. I want you to know I wasn’t fake with you. That was me. You still know me, even if my name changes.”
“I know,” Ellie says. “The moment I heard about your past I immediately understood.”
“And thank you for helping with the lesson planning and hiring the long-term sub. I have no idea if I’ll make it back to finish out the year. At this point I don’t even know if I’m coming back for next school year.”
“No worries. You did the same for me and Garlen, so it’s only right.”
“Ellie,” I say slowly, “can I ask you something else?”
“Of course.”
“When did you know? With Garlen, I mean. When did you know you wanted... all of it?”
She’s quiet for a moment, considering. “Honestly? I think I knew the day he broke out of the chains and came running for me across that parking lot. Everyone was screaming and running away, and all I could think was... this is my orc. You said for meto come with you because you were worried for my safety. But I knew right then that the solution wasn’t to run away. He needed me and I could fix it. So I didn’t run from him. I walked toward him.”
“That’s terrifying and romantic.”
“That’s exactly what it was.” She pauses. “But Anna, there’s nothing wrong with you taking your time to decide. This is a forever decision. It should be made carefully.”
