“I said yes because I do care about him.”
Silence on the line. Then, Ellie responds softly, “Anna... that’s huge. You haven’t admitted that before. I have to admit I was wondering if you were going to return to Truckee without him at the end of this mess. I mean, that wasn’t a bad thing, you couldn’t help it if you didn’t feel the same way about him that he does about you. But now I think we can both see that maybe you feel for him, like he feels for you?”
“I know. I’m taking baby steps toward this though.” I swallow hard. “It’s important to me that when I say to him I’m ready, I’m really ready. And right now, I’m not fully ready.”
“I understand.”
“And there I was this morning, still in my half-in, half-out place concerning my relationship with Keric, and then his mother starts talking about wedding planning.”
Ellie snort-laughs. “Oh my gosh. What did Keric do?”
“He nearly dropped the bacon. Looked like he wanted the floor to swallow him.”
We’re both laughing now, the absurdity of it all bubbling up. This is what I needed. Someone who gets it.
“His mom is... a lot,” I continue. “But she’s lovely. And his dad is intimidating but kind.”
“They liked you?”
A smile widens across my face. “They were so sweet and I could tell that they immediately loved me. They want me in the family.”
Saying it out loud makes it more real. More terrifying. More... possible.
“So,” Ellie says, her voice turning serious, “do you think you’re really going to say yes to Keric? Marry him and live on the commune forever?”
I exhale slowly. “I really don’t know,” I admit. “He’s never actually asked me if I wanted to live here forever. I think I could do this part time, if I wanted. And... I’m not fully sure about everything yet. I feel weird even thinking about something like that when I’ve got dangerous people trying to kill me.”
Ellie laughs, but it’s a knowing sound. “It was similar for me, you know.”
“What do you mean?”
“Trying not to think about Garlen when my ex-husband was after me. I was being stalked and Garlen was literally chainedin a basement cage next door. And yet my mind was filled with the idea of being with Garlen and saying yes to something permanent. ”
I can’t help but laugh. “Weird times.”
“Agreed. The weirdest. At least you don’t have to deal with Keric being chained while in bed next to you.”
“No, but he is sleeping on the couch.”
“While you’re in his bed?”
“His only bed. In his one-bedroom cabin.”
“Oh, Anna...”
“It’s torture, Ellie.” The words come rushing out now, all the frustration I’ve been holding back. “We’re in this tiny cabin together and I can smell him constantly. That woodsmoke, leather scent. And he can smell me all the time. He knows when I’m... you know...”
“Aroused?”
“Yes, it’s so embarrassing, knowing he can smell what he does to me.”
“Welcome to life with an orc.”
I groan and tip my head back against the couch. Dinah protests the movement with a small mew.
“He almost kissed me today,” I say quietly.
“Ooh, really?”
