I make a noise that hopefully isn’t a death rattle and almost fall into the dining chair across from her. “It was great. I’m gonna shower before I head out for my shift. Need something before I leave?”
When I open my mouth to ask what the fuck shift work a professional basketball player has to do, but I quickly decide I’m too tired to give a fuck. If he’s bagging groceries at the mini-mart, he’s not here to make me do things again so it’s a win for me. “Nope. I’m all good. Have fun, kick ass at dominoes.”
He’s working at a fucking pizza place? Dear god, are they broke? Does he have a gambling addiction or something? After he’s out of hearing range, I ask. I have to.
Blakely laughs. “No, silly. He volunteers at a nursing home around here when we’re home for the off season. They always talk him into playing dominoes all afternoon. He loves it, though.”
Oh. Well. That does make sense. “The one his mom was at?”
“Yeah. He got to know some of the other residents really well before she passed and it just kind of stuck.”
A heavy sigh escapes me. “Did you have to do that? Now I feel bad for hating him.”
She swats at me half-heartedly. “Stop that. He’s the best, and you know it. It’s not his fault you can’t say no to people.”
If I had the energy, that would probably offend the hell out of me. As it stands, she may have a point.
“Have you found anything yet?” I ask.
Her answering sigh is laced with annoyance. “Nothing concrete. Lots of loose ends that I’m trying to connect. I’m trying, babes. I really am.”
Instantly, it makes me feel like shit. She’s been closing herself up in her home office from the time she gets up to whenLandon eventually drags her to bed after she inevitably crashes on her desk. Between her job and looking into Aaron, she’s clearly running on fumes. The only reason she’s not behind a screen right now is because shemaybe later’d her computer into a forced update in the middle of the day. “I’m sorry, Blake. I didn’t mean it like that.”
She offers me a sad smile. “I know you didn’t. This is hard on everyone.” Her fingers dig into her eye sockets for a while before pushing to her feet. “I should get back. You gonna be all right?”
I nod, turning to watch her move away with an ache behind my ribs I can’t really explain. When Easton hears the door open and goes straight from the room he’s staying in to join Blakely, it turns from an ache to a sharp pain. He doesn’t really look at me anymore. Truthfully, I’m not sure anyone is.
They get along with each other swimmingly, even if the circumstances suck. I’m the odd man out here, and I don’t really know what to do with it. I know I’m the one holding back. Brady would be thrilled if I joined him playing video games upstairs. Blake has told me to come hang out if I get the inclination. Why I’m separating myself from the people I care the most about is a giant mystery to me. Blake is right, this situation isn’t easy on anyone. But I’m isolating where they’re coming together.
It doesn’t help that I feel like I’m on house arrest. Brady and I both got put on a leave of absence when he let our boss know that Easton was hospitalized and why. When he told me about it, I thought it would be a good thing. Both of us could be here where Easton needed us, then we’d find the bastard causing us all so much hell and go back to life as normal.
Now, there’s nothing significant that fills my days. Not work, not friends or my—former?—boyfriend. It probably is safer like this, since I’m sure dickhead knows who Brady and I are, but I also can’t take much more of this emptiness. I tried for all of one day to help Blakely and gave up when I realized she has waymore access than I do. She also was a serial killer in a past life—my guess is Jack the Ripper, thank you for asking—and is a scary kind of organized that my mental state couldn’t even hope to compete with.
The most socialization I’ve had lately is working out with Landon, which is a personal low for me. For weeks, I’ve begged a deity I have no faith in for another chance to love Easton. Give me just one more chance and I won’t drop the ball for a third time. Him being gone destroyed me. The obvious solution would be to get him back home, or so I thought. Now he’s right in front of me, fine for the most part, and I’ve never felt more distant. I want it back—our easy, normal relationship. More days in the sun, more graphite stains on my skin when our kisses turned deeper. I want more chances to make his nose scrunch up when he laughs or to make his dimples pop out when he’s trying to not smile at me.
But I don’t know how to get it back. I don’t even know why it’s gone.
Deciding I’m tired of my own whining, I go and knock on the door to Blakely’s office. She tells me to come in mid-laugh, and when I see her and Easton with matching pink in their cheeks, I hesitate. “Hey, babes. Come join us,” Blakely greets fondly.
“What are you guys doing?” I ask, sitting about as far away from Easton as I can manage in a chair all the way across the room. Hurt flickers briefly across his face, there and gone in a blink of an eye. I pretend not to notice it while feeling like the world’s biggest asshole.
“Oh, Easton was just giving me free entertainment. Over here giggling and kicking his feet over a book he’s reading. I was telling him I was the exact same way when I read it.”
My smile is forced, mainly because I had no idea that he’d found a new hobby. Easton’s blush deepens. “It’s cute, and I make no apologies for liking it.” He pouts.
“You think it’s cute now, just wait until you’re done and we can watch the movie. Whole new level, sweet pea. One of the only ones where I don’t prefer one or the other. Book and movie are equally amazing.”
Okay, this was a terrible idea. “What book?” I ask gruffly. Easton passes it over, clearly well loved before it came into his possession. My guess is a romance of some kind, given the two cartoon boys on the cover. The spine is creased, corners starting to roll up in a couple of spots. It’s not one I recognize off the top of my head, so I pass it back.
“She’s being dramatic. I wasn’t doing all that.”
Blakely covers her mouth to keep from laughing. “He’s right. I’m very dramatic,” she concedes solemnly.
My response is more automatic than friendly teasing. “You are.”
I’ve reached my inevitable limit. I don’t belong here, and I don’t want to get in the way of their fun. They deserve all of it that they can scrape together, Easton most of all. “I’ll let you guys get back to it, then.”
They both call my name, but I’m already out the door and not turning around. No one chases after me because there’s no reason to. Everyone here is better off when I’m invisible. The only reason I’m here at all is because of the unconfirmed idea that Easton would be better off with everyone together. Not like he actually said he wanted me around, nor did anyone else. It’s fine. I am fine.
