“Hmm?” I blink again.
“After talking to Dr. Emerson, I think it’s best if you take a leave of absence. But I don’t want you to worry about a thing or the media. We want you to see Dr. Jarvis; she’s the psychologist for?—”
“I don’t need to talk to anyone. I’m fine. I just need to sleep.”
“This isn’t negotiable.” He places his hand on my shoulder. “It’s okay to ask for help and…”
I tune him out, knowing it won’t do me any good to argue.
I only hear half of what he says and mumble an, “okay,” knowing it’s what I need to say.
“We’re all here for you, Daniel.”
April 6th
“Hey,” Angel quietly says.
I hum, keeping my back to him.
“I didn’t wake you, did I?” I hear the soft pad of his footsteps get closer.
“No.”
“We missed you out there.” The dull ache in his voice squeezes my chest. I want to say something to fix that, but I physically can’t get out of the void. I close my eyes, burrowing deeper in the comforter. “We were close, but we lost again. It pains me to say this, but Cal Central is good. God, I fucking hate them and Miles’s stupid face.”
My mouth opens, but as hard as I try, I can’t force the words out. They stay clinging to the back of my throat, refusing to let go.
“It’s okay though. We can’t win all the series.” He fills the silence. “Are you hungry? Noah is cooking, although I’d be careful because Gray is trying to help. I think he’s making one of the sides. I don’t know, but chew carefully. If something tastes off, spit it out. The last thing I need is for you to get food poisoning.” I hear the smile in his voice. “I want you to be on top of it when you come back.”
“I don’t know if I’ll go back.”
“You will. Don’t say that. Everything’s going to be okay, Danny. Just take it easy. We’re here for you, okay?”
April 9th
“We’re back. We went into overtime, but we won.” Kai enters my room. I feel him sit on the side of my bed, and for a while, he’s quiet. “How are you feeling?”
I shrug even though I know he can’t see my shoulders under the comforter.
“Coach is making us all do one-on-one meetings with him. I’m not a fan; I don’t like talking about that kind of stuff either, but I’m doing it. Although it’s stupid because the worst I feel is homesick… I shouldn’t be upset about—I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Talking about this is weird, but I want you to know that as much as I hate it, it’s good to open up. I know it’s hard and I know you’re hurting, Danny, but you should do it.”
My thoughts spiral, making my head pound.
“Don’t apologize.” My voice doesn’t sound like my own when I speak.
“We’re all here for you. The guys have been asking about you. Even Bryson. I know that sounds hard to believe…” He trailsoff. “We all love you. Don’t forget that. If you need anything, anything at all, we’ve got you. We can’t wait for you to come back whenever you’re ready. We’re here for you.”
April 11th
I’m sorry it couldn’t have been me, Adrian, I’m so fucking sorry.
“Hi, Danny.” Pen pads into my room and lies next to me. “I—” Her voice quivers, but she quickly clears her throat and lays her arm over my covered body. “I miss him.”
Today’s the anniversary of Adrian’s death. There would’ve been no anniversary if I had just been with him. Why didn’t I go? Why didn’t I check his life jacket? Why did I let him go?
“And I miss you. I don’t know what’s going on in your head, but I want to know. Talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong. I’m all ears. Please don’t keep shutting yourself out. Please,” she desolately begs and sniffles. “I love you, and I don’t want to lose you too.”
I clench my teeth, fighting back the tears. The hole in my chest has grown, but it still burns despite nothing being there. I don’t understand what the hell is going on with me.
