I swallow deeply. “I guess I haven’t really thought about it though…since my dad died. The dream of filmmaking…sort of turned into…well…a dream.” I finish. My cheeks immediately feel hot as I look away. I can’t believe I admitted that.
“So…when your father died, your aspiration sort of died with him.” She restates. “Sorry if that was blunt. Sometimes, I don’t have a filter for these things.”
I squeeze my eyes shut but nod, all the same. I didn’t want to say it…but yeah.
“I guess…I don’t really know what to bet on anymore. Nothing seems certain.”
Surprisingly, a smile tugs at the corner of her lips. “Life rarely is.” She shakes her head.
A soft laugh escapes me. “I must sound so confused.”
“You soundbrave.” She corrects. “It takes a lot of courage to feel scared of the future, and still go after it anyway.”
My smile fades as I take in what she’s saying. She’s looking at me with such awe, and I’m not completely sure why.
“You know…my husband was the same way as you. He was curious about life but never truly seemed certain about it. So passionate about so many things that his goal post moved so often.” She smiles softly to herself. Her eyes drift back to me. “You remind me a lot of him. Your art spoke to me like he did. I saw it then at your high school art night and I still see it now.”
My heart aches feeling the undeniable sadness in her voice. A type of sadness only people who have experienced losing someone close to them can hear in each other.
“I’m sorry—” I bow my head.
“Don’t.” She cuts me off. “It’s a beautiful thing to love people the way we have loved. Our memories of them remind us of that. We hang on to it.” She smiles gently.
I nod my head. “What else was he like?”
She breathes in deeply, looking off as though she’s imagining him here right now. “Carefree. Light.” She shakes her head. “He acted without thinking of the consequences which often got him into trouble.” She winks, making me smile. “But…he wasfun.”She closes her eyes. “God, he was fun.”
Hearing that warms my heart. It reminds me of how Tobias describes me, which is pretty amazing.
She sits up, clasping her hands together on her desk. “Well, Mr. Thorne,” she wipes her eyes, and I only see now that she was teary. “Are you hungry?”
A small smile tugs at my lips. “Yeah, I guess I am.”
“Let’s order something. I’m starved.” She rubs her hands together before taking her phone out. “It’s on me.” She winks.
***
I fall on my mattress, still holding the lingering feelings from Flux and I’s conversation. Taking out my phone, I dial the one number that brings me comfort when I’m feeling heavy like this.
He should be home, as I see that it’s half past ten.
I’m not sure he’ll be awake but it’s worth a shot. After grabbing some Italian food with Professor Flux, Katelyn and Jamie insisted I join them for a drink at some dorm party. I didn’t last long there at all before I came crawling back here to talk to Tobias.
He’s who I want to speak to at the end of every day. He’s all I need.
And when the screen lights up with his sleepy face on the screen, I know it was the best decision to call.
“I’m sorry for calling you so late,” I smile, stuffing my face into the pillow under me.
“Mmm, you can call me any time, any day. I don’t care.” He sighs softly, giving me a dreamy look. “I wasn’t even asleep.”
This makes me frown. “You aren’t sleeping?”
He shakes his head, his dark blonde hair falling over his eyes. I love when he’s all disheveled like this, but I also don’t want him feeling unwell.
“It’s just hard to get to sleep without you here.” His jaw ticks as he puts his hand behind his head. He’s topless so his body is on full display.
“I know what you mean.” I prop my phone up on the headboard so I can lay down completely.
