I’ve been coming to Jen’s salon for years now. It’s bold and energizing, with earthy browns and oranges filling the small space. Four chairs face huge wood-framed floor mirrors. There’s music playing throughout, which occasionally becomes karaoke when the right song comes on.
Jen greets us with hugs and deposits me in the closest chair, examining the dead ends I’ve been ignoring. “What are you after today? The usual wash and trim?”
I stare myself down in the mirror, the corner of my lip caught under my teeth, my hair falling straight and strong over my shoulders. A rising tide of adrenaline washes over me.
I want to do this. I need to.
I take a deep breath. “How would you feel about cutting it all off?” I ask.
Her reaction is gleeful, her hands stilling in my hair for only a beat before she’s petting, testing, appraising. “Yes,” she says, dragging out the word in pure joy. “Are you sure?”
I nod. As sure as Jonathon Groff spitting on the front row. “Positive. And no more straightening.” It’s time.
She smiles ear to ear as she meets my gaze in the mirror. “Are we embracing the wave, finally?” Her hips wiggle behind me.
If I wasn’t already bursting with excitement, I would be now.
It’s what I’ve wanted for years. I’ve imagined saying yes before, even been tempted once or twice, but I’ve always backed out at the last minute, hearing my mother’s voice in my ear.
But I’m ready, and I’m tired of denying myself.
“Do it. I want to be more Me.”
Jen places her hands on my shoulders, her tone warm and reassuring. “Babe, you’re about to be the best version of you.”
I look over at Emma, whose smile is wide and encouraging. A wave of giddiness hits me, and I know, without a doubt, this is the start of something good.
“What are we waiting for, then?”
It’s been so long since I’ve lingered in the now.
Since I had the luxury to exist longer than the scant hours between Friday afternoon and Monday morning or moved through the world with intention, not running through the weekend because I know the second I look, time will be up, because it’s Sunday night and screw doing the dishes because there are only a few more hours before work, and I don’t want to waste them doing chores.
There’s responsibility in not taking life for granted. The urge to hold these moments in my bare hands and create. Birth something new. Do something exciting.
It’s the sort of restlessness I haven’t indulged since I was a kid, where whole days could be set aside for a single endeavor. Today’s a pool day, tomorrow, we’ll race our bikes— a world of minutes ahead of us.
How many have I spent since, staring at a clock? White-knuckling a Bluetooth mouse when the reply came back with my name misspelled? Or pulling Emma away from her desk at lunch because I can’t go another second without a real, meaningful conversation. Anything to remember there’s more to me, more to life, than a KPI.
“How did your staycation go?” I ask her now, while Jen is busy washing my hair.
Charlie and I agree on many things. Namely that Emma is the fucking best, but also that good vacations don’t need a death trap in the sky to get you there (recent experiences excluded).
“It was…” Her pause is so loud I don’t have to see her to know she’s blushing. “Perfect. The cabin was beautiful. Charlie drove me out to this lookout, and the view… Ivy, I was speechless. Zeus adored having so much space to run around. It was exactly what we needed.”
When I’m done, Jen wraps my hair up in the towel and walks me back to the chair.
My damp hair hangs by my face, and I take a slow breath as thesnip-snip-snipof her scissors cuts the bulk of it away, the cold brush of metal against my jaw sending goose bumps down my neck. I let my eyes fall closed while she works.
“How are you feeling about work?” Emma asks from the seat beside me.
I sigh. “The same. New company, same shit. I just… I know that answering phones and making appointments aren’t what I want to be doing, but I still don’t know what that is.”
“You’ll find it. I believe in you,” she says, and I know it’s the truth.
“Sorry,” I say, “I don’t want to keep harping on my stuff all the time.”
“Don’t be silly. That’s what I’m here for. You listened to me when everything with Charlie was going on. And Logan, for that matter.”
