“I live in the real world.But sometimes the rules are illogical, prejudiced, and damaging, and I’m not going to be quiet about it.”
“Yes, we all know that, ok!You’re not some fucking enlightened being far beyond the rest of us.We get that the rules are unreasonable, but sometimes we need to actually follow them unless we want to hurt ourselves or other people.”
“I’m not trying to hurt you.”
“But you’re not putting me first either.Why can’t you just let people be assholes without commenting on it?Or pretend every once in a while?”
“Because then they win.They get to have the world be exactly how they want it, knowing that we’ll just slink into the shadows to please them.I don’t know what you want from me.I’m not going to wake up tomorrow as someone else.You either like me like this, or you don’t.”
“That’s it?I have to accept you one hundred percent or not at all?You know how conceited that sounds?”
My breath came hot and heavy through my nose as I tried to calm myself.My pulse beat fast in my throat, our arguing echoing in the otherwise quiet room.“I’m not asking for blind acceptance, but, Hannah, come on.”I wanted to take a step forward, close the gap between us, but I didn’t trust my legs to hold me.“Ever since we started seeing each other, it’s been something.I should work less, I should get a desk job, I should have my future planned out, I should lie about my sexuality.I can’t commit to someone who constantly wants to change me.”
Her disgusted laugh stung.“How could you commit to one person when you can’t even commit to a sexuality?”
“That’s enough.”My voice boomed throughout my apartment.I stood, my blood boiling.If I didn’t move, I would scream.
The air was rife with tension, and I couldn’t tell what Hannah was thinking, but I knew that I couldn’t look at her.That bubbly, insightful woman I’d been interested in when we first met had been replaced by the callous, ignorant person before me.
I tried to keep my voice even.I mostly failed.“Look, I’m not perfect,” I said.Hannah’s eye roll lodged itself in my gut, adding to my conviction that we were over.“I never claimed to be, no matter what you think.But I’m not going to change myself just because you think I should.And I might not know much about commitment, but I know I’m not your plaything to script and puppet around.”
“Tiffany, that’s not fair.”
Fair, she said.Fair.On her.
I said nothing.There was nothing left to say.Hannah had made it clear that she couldn’t accept me, and that wasn’t something I could see us working through.
“Oh, fuck you, Tiffany.You know what?Fine.I’ve had enough of this shit anyway.Go back to sleeping with whoever will take you.Wouldn’t want you to have to choose a side or anything.”
“Get.Out.”She was already walking away.“Find whatever it is you’ve left here and never contact me again.”
“Gladly.”
The door slammed behind her as she left, and I was shellshocked, frozen in the middle of my apartment.The broken glass was laid out on the floor next to the couch, and the food sat untouched.I should start cleaning up, but I didn’t want to spend another minute here.
My chest was too tight, my stomach clenched in anger.The fucking nerve!I couldn’t believe it.
I needed to get out.To breathe.To think.
The tears had started to fall by the time I’d made it to the sidewalk.
